girl against gluten

recipe for the silkiest bath ever

2012-01-15T15:16:00.000-08:00

1/2 cup epsom salt
1/4 cup heavy cream
1 Tablespoon olive oil
10 - 20 drops of essential oils (I like 10 of tea tree oil, 10 of orange oil -- best mixed in with the olive oil first, otherwise they can group up, get on your skin, and burn like hell)

the most amazing

2012-01-13T18:32:00.000-08:00

Yes, indeed. Iain made up an amazing recipe this week, and I made up an amazing recipe this week.

Iain's - chicken breast seared on high heat in butter and chopped fresh garlic, rolled in freshly grated parmesan cheese, the butter and garlic drizzled on top, and baked.

Heaven.

We ate it with the super thin Thai rice noodles with sauteed veggies.

Mine - shepherd's pie a new way: nearly a pound of ground breakfast sausage browned; one can of fancy cut canned green beans, one can of corn; celery, carrot, and onion browned in the excess sausage fat and chopped fresh garlic. Top that with a potato mash made from two red potatoes and one big sweet potato, add in 4 tablespoons butter, dried sweet basil, and heavy cream. THEN top that with grated cheddar cheese and bake for 45 minutes on 350.

Wow.

I tried the mash on its own, and it was divine.

Since Iain and I are trying to whip our bodies into shape this year, next time I think I'll try ground turkey seasoned with some spices, and substitute one of the red potatoes with a rutabaga.

read/reading

2012-01-07T15:56:00.001-08:00

read:

These High, Green Hills
The Help
The Hunger Games

reading:

Catching Fire
The Time Traveler's Wife

Suggestions for after??

Sunday

2012-01-01T13:41:00.001-08:00

pot of black tea

watched the end of Avatar

reading The Help

elks steak salad for lunch

football game on

must pack later for my trip to Wisconsin tomorrow

almost new

2011-12-31T10:54:00.000-08:00

It's New Year's Eve!

I've had a pot of white tea, plain yogurt with homemade granola, Hatha Yoga #4 from yoga downloads podcast on itunes, a kiwi, and a pot of green tea, watching the last half of The Time Traveler's Wife on tv with Iain--it's the end, and I always cry a the end.

On the agenda and menu for the rest of the day: red cabbage salad with red onion, carrot, and celery; read The Help, drink champagne, visit Sis, and ring in the New Year with Iain when he gets off work later tonight.

I'm making resolutions this year, and here they are:

join a gym
go to the gym
read 25 books

Cheers!

thanksgiving prep part 3

2011-11-23T21:53:00.001-08:00

What have I been doing for the last three hours you ask me? I've been cooking. Why yes I have. I started with the cranberry sauce. It takes the least time. My cranberry sauce is from a Fine Cooking magazine recipe from years back. It has a package of cranberries, a cup of sugar, 1/2 cup of OJ, and two teaspoons of rosemary:

All this brought to boil, set to simmer for a minute, then pulled off the heat and stir in:

The recipe calls for 1/2 teaspoon of zest, but since I like the zestiness a whole ton, I put in about 2 teaspoons. It then gets covered for ten minutes. After that, it's ready for the refrigerator. It's something yummy.

I also made the stuffing up to the point of putting it in the oven. This was a lot of chopping, a lot of cooking, and a lot of stirring. I'll be sure to take a picture of it after it comes out of the oven. It has sweet italian sausage in it along with granny smith apples, celery, onion, sage, chicken broth, bread, and some eggs.

Finally, I got the scalloped potatoes done (also up to the point of baking). Iain helped me with this one. He got all of the potatoes peeled, washed, and sliced. This was a big task considering it was about 8 pounds of potatoes. This is him at the sink slicing giving me a goofy sort of smile:

This double batch calls for four cups of heavy whipping cream, four cups of whole milk, fresh thyme, and nutmeg. Also, two finely chopped onions cooked first in four tablespoons of butter. Oh right, this topped with nearly ten ounces of gruyere cheese. Heart attack in a pan. Yes, please.

So the plan I had listed out of what to do each day was a good thing, but I didn't get nearly everything done I should have before tomorrow. Ah well. I'll have time in the morning.

I'll also try to get better at taking pictures as I'm cooking. Looking at some other blogs, I'm totally getting schooled on showing you pictures about my cooking...but here is one of me at the stove:

thanksgiving prep part 2

2011-11-22T20:34:00.001-08:00

The prepping for Thanksgiving continues today. Thankfully, we had no power significant power outages this evening (huge storm going on here), so I was not interrupted. First off, I cut my loaf from yesterday into small pieces so it's ready for the stuffing. After doing that, I realize I don't have enough, so I put another loaf on in the bread machine.

Onto the brussels sprouts again. Turns out the recipe I'm using has you put them in a food processor that has a slicing attachment. Since I don't have said food processor or said attachment, it meant me thinly slicing about five pounds of brussels sprouts. Since I was on a roll, I also peeled all my carrots and onions as well:

After cleaning that mess up...

I peeked at my bread in the bread machine, which is a no-no because you don't want to let the heat out, but I did it anyway and got a waft of steam right into the camera, so my bread looks eerie and magical:

I'm done with prepping for the night, so I'll settle into my book for the evening after putting all THIS mess away:

thanksgiving prep part 1

2011-11-21T18:31:00.001-08:00

I'm hosting Thanksgiving again this year, and this means lots of planning. Including my husband and myself, I'll be feeding 10 people. I got quite a bit of grocery shopping done on the 12th. I stocked up on butter and other things that don't go bad in two weeks. I also made my broth. I needed fifteen cups of it for everything I'm making, and it's much cheaper to make. I made it. I froze it. One thing checked off my list.

This past weekend I got all of my fresh ingredients. Still on the list is fresh sage (wasn't at the grocery store I was at), twine (because I didn't really think about tying the turkey legs together), and I'm sure something else that I'm forgetting a second time around. I'll get those things tomorrow probably.

One of the things I'm making is sauteed brussels sprouts with poppy seeds. I had just finished putting all three pounds of brussels sprouts into a baggie at the store when I turn around and see these:

Two big brussels sprouts trees, if they're called trees, and I really don't know, mostly because I had no idea brussels sprouts grew this way! This picture is after cutting one big stalk in half so it would fit in the refrigerator, and after I had started cutting off all the sprouts and putting them into a big zip lock baggie.

Moving on.

Today after work I started in on my list. I made up my list to show what I would prepare starting today and up until Thanksgiving day. Thanksgiving day it's broken down into 4 hours before the meal, 1 hours before the meal, and 30 minutes before the meal.

On my list for today was preparing the cider glaze for my turkey. I reduced cider down by 75%, added some apple cider vinegar, butter, salt, and pepper, and it's ready for the fridge. I also put everything in the bread machine to make a loaf in preparation for my sausage and apple stuffing. It's still to be determined if I need to make another loaf tomorrow night, I'll have to look at the recipe again. I'm doubling the stuffing recipe and the scalloped potato recipe, so it's taking some extra thought.

Also on my list for today was preparing the gravy base, but after cleaning the kitchen after the first two things and dinner from last night, I'm pooped. I'll add it to my list for tomorrow.

things that resonate with me

2011-11-20T18:50:00.001-08:00

"Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands."

"Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone."

"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me...I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead. I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."

"Let your gentleness be evident to all."

"I have learned the secret of being content whatever the circumstances."

all about the armpits

2011-11-19T18:33:00.001-08:00

I recently purchased some new deodorant. I had been feeling like the brand I had used for years just wasn't cutting it anymore. If I started sweating, the sweet floral scent didn't do much to hide the sweat smell. And really, why was I bothering with an antiperspirant if I ended up sweating anyway?

This got me thinking about that thing I'd always heard from health nuts about the evils of antiperspirants because of their link with breast cancer. I hadn't ever researched this, and paid no mind to it because I thought I would just be too stinky without my antiperspirant...but I decided it was time to give it a go.

This is what I bought:

Created from advanced research from Europe, our deodorants contain a blend of Oak Gall & Witch Hazel extracts, which are effective in controlling odor-causing bacteria. Combined with other odor preventing botanicals, such as Myrrh & Sage, our exclusive formula gives you safe, gentle protection and that shower fresh feeling throughout the day. Contains no aluminum.

I love it. It doesn't have a strong smell, but it's soothing and understated. I don't feel like I sweat any more without the antiperspirant part, and I feel like I smell better for longer.

Thumbs up on this purchase.

Now onto finding out what the internet has to say about the link between antiperspirants and breast cancer...

This is what I found on one site--it seemed to be the most clearly stated theory:

In another article titled ‘Underarm Cosmetics and Breast Cancer’ [3] Darbre explains that two steps are needed to cause cancer:
1 – DNA has to be damaged, resulting in damaged cells.
2 – Growth promotion of these damaged cells.

There are several ways that DNA could be damaged as a result of using antiperspirants. According to one theory, it is caused by accumulating sweat through the use of antiperspirants. Your body normally exposes of waste products through sweat, the accumulation of these toxic waste products in the armpit can cause damage to the adjacent breast cells.

Another mechanism that can help cause DNA damage is through the aluminum and zirconium salts. It has been shown that aluminum can bind to DNA and change it, resulting in damaged breast cells.

This is something else I found. The beginning part of the site emphasizes what I found elsewhere, that no study has shown conclusive evidence of a correlation, but then it goes on to state that it's entirely possible:

But cancer researcher Philippa Darbre, PhD, of the University of Reading in England, sees it differently. She says the evidence is mounting that the aluminum-based active ingredient in antiperspirants can mimic estrogen in the body.

"Lifetime exposure to estrogen is the risk factor which is tied most strongly to breast cancer," Darbre tells WebMD. "If the aluminum salts in antiperspirants enter the body and mimic estrogen it stands to reason that constant exposure over many years may pose a risk."

...

In earlier studies she found that preservatives commonly found in antiperspirants and other cosmetics, known as parabens, may also influence breast cancer risk by mimicking estrogen. Other studies show that the metal cadmium, found in the environment and a component of cigarette smoke, does the same thing.

So who really knows if I'm saving my body at all from harmful things that mimic estrogen or not, but either way, I still smell ok, just in case you were wondering.

sunday

2011-11-13T19:12:00.001-08:00

I woke up energized and ready to go at 6:34 this morning. Usually I don't get out of bed until after 8:00 on the weekends, but I figured since I was already awake and knowing I'll be waking up a bit before that tomorrow, I decided to get up--after twenty minutes of snuggling the husband, of course.

It turned out to be a productive and relaxing day. First things first, I did some yoga. (A note on that, I really need a yoga mat. My hands slip on the rug. I've told the husband he needs to get me one for Christmas. I used to have one, but I'm pretty sure it got purged during the move to Oregon two years ago.) I got about 15 minutes into the 24 minute podcast when the laptop told me the the battery was dying. The charger was all the way in the bedroom, and I didn't want to risk waking up the husband by unplugging it (because I tend to be noisy when moving things or cleaning things), so only half my body really got a good stretching. Oh well.

Moving on.

I took a long, hot shower, and put on comfy clothes, putting on a little bit of makeup just because.

I made a delicious breakfast, and I suggest you try it. I had two eggs cooked in butter on a bed of sliced cabbage topped with half a red tomato and half an avocado (sprinkled with cumin) and all topped with hot sauce (taco bell kind that they sell in the grocery store, which makes me very happy, since I never have taco bell anymore after recently realizing everything at taco bell has wheat in it except the pinto beans).

Thanksgiving is coming up, obviously. What I'm planning calls for quite a bit of chicken broth, and since I refuse to buy chicken broth at the store (must cheaper to make yourself), I threw everything together in my big stock pot and started it boiling away.

I settled into the morning with a pot of green tea and my book.

After an hour or so Iain got up, and I no longer felt bad about making noise, so I cleaned the kitchen and put on a load of laundry.

I went to the grocery store to pick up some necessities, and came back to cook lunch. I made a salad of green leaf lettuce, sliced cabbage, sliced celery, sliced red onion, and the chicken I had picked off the bone from the broth-making earlier, all topped with my favorite dressing.

I did some math problems with Iain. He had to do them for school, and I did them just for kicks and to see if I could remember any of my algebra from years back. I had a snack of apple slices and plain yogurt with a pot of hibiscus tea to boot.

We watched the movie Hanna which wasn't bad at all--actually pretty interesting. Meanwhile we made dinner. The husband grilled the bone-in chicken breast (he's a master griller) just how I like it with really crispy skin, and I made some garlic primavera risotto (the really easy kind that's organic and comes in a box).

Now he's playing Call of Duty Modern Warfare 3, and I've filed and painted my nails, so now I'm about to settle into my book again.

I'm very happy with this Sunday.

namaste

2011-11-09T21:36:00.000-08:00

Since breaking one particularly bad habit, I've been trying to place into my life some better habits that honor my body. Today is a good example of that.

I'm being more conscientious of what I eat. I'm trying to be a little less crazy with potatoes and cheese, and a bit more crazy with the veggies. Here was the menu for tonight:

Grilled chicken spiced with garlic salt, celery salt, paprika, and dried sweet basil
Roasted acorn squash with olive oil, salt, and pepper
Green salad with tomato, celery, and red onion, and brie (of course, my favorite dressing)
Sauteed green peppers
Shiraz

After dinner I dipped into the bathtub with epsom salt and a generous drizzling of half and half (I've read that putting a cup of whole milk in the tub will make your skin silky smooth, and since I didn't have milk, I settled for the next best thing). I took a pot of hibiscus tea with me and my mom's copy of At Home in Mitford.

Once I'd soaked for a while and sweated a good deal, I dried off, subscribed to a free yoga podcast suggested by my sister, and settled in for twenty minutes of yoga before bed.

Tonight is the first time in a long while that I've done yoga. It's amazing how a gentle session of yoga will make your body feel so light and relaxed. I think I'll add this as a good routine.

The other good routine that I've started most nights a week is reading the Scriptures before bed and writing down in my journal the verses that strike me the most. Tonight, though, I might just slither in between the sheets and fall asleep.

eat your greens

2011-11-06T18:55:00.000-08:00

They say eating plenty of fresh, raw vegetables is very, very good for you. They're packed with all sorts of vitamins and minerals and the stuff that beats bad things like cardiovascular problems and cancer. I know most would complain about having salad, AGAIN, and how not exciting it is.

But I challenge you to try this:

Kayla's Favorite Dressing

3 Tablespoons apple cider vinegar
4 Tablespoons white wine vinegar (feel free to use red wine vinegar or rice vinegar)
3 Tablespoons soy sauce (I use wheat-free)
1 pressed garlic clove
2 teaspoons sugar (though, I have used honey in the past if you're against the refined stuff)
1/2 teaspoon ground ginger
3/4 cup grapeseed oil (or a blend of your favorite oils like almond oil, avocado oil, and hemp oil)
3 Tablespoons flaxseed oil (when I have it on hand, otherwise, I'll finish it off with the other oils)

Shake and pour. Keep refrigerated. Make sure the pressed garlic clove doesn't come off in someone's salad.

What I'm eating it with this week is thinly sliced raw cabbage. Sometimes I get fancier and add red onion and tomato and slivered almonds. But seriously, the dressing makes eating just cabbage truly delicious.

TRY IT!

whirlwind

2011-11-05T22:23:00.000-07:00

The past week has been a bit of a whirlwind.

The hospital system I work for has been in a process of selecting a company to provide services for a new electronic medical record. This has to do with some new federal regulations about patient medical records being accessible. So we have a deadline to when our 5 hospitals and many clinics have to be on this new system.

But before implementing this new system, it has to be tailored according to the organization's needs. The needs range from HR to accounting to patient charting to registration and more. This is a big job, so there's no wonder it's projected to take about three years for full development and implementation.

Things are also happening quite FAST. Rumor has it that part of the contract agreement with the hospitals and Epic (that's the electronic medical record company we went with) is that there is a group of around 65 core people who will be part of developing and implementing this new system, and they had to be selected before Epic would complete our contract. These people will be certified and committed to seeing this thing through.

Epic has an assessment test much like the SAT or ACT you took before getting into college anywhere that determines you're ability in different areas. The company takes the scores from this assessment and tells the client who is most capable to be a part of implementing the system and in what capacity.

Thanks to some nudging from my hospital's Director of Risk Management, I took said test last week.

This past Wednesday, I'm informed by the hospital's Business Manager that I've been selected to be part of this "Transformation" group. I get very few details about the position and am asked if I am interested.

That's easy.

It's in line with my overall career goals of being involved with operations. I'd have a hand in making sure a system is designed and implemented efficiently and to meet the needs of the organization.

The next day on a phone conference, I'm told the offer is official, and I have to give an answer that day.

So I did.

I still don't have a ton of details, but I do know now that I'll be working with three other people on my specific module with the Epic system. I know that the whole Transformation team will be working out of the same place (specifics yet to be determined). And I know that I'll be flying out to Wisconsin for a week at the end of November to start training.

It's amazing how things happen. It's amazing how the unexpected occurs. It's amazing how quickly life can change.

Needless to say, I'm excited.

it's totally up to you

2011-11-01T17:55:00.000-07:00

So I've been talking for years about making exercise more of a routine rather than the once a season event. Today at work was my second hippity hoppity race. You might wonder what in the world am I talking about and have I changed professions. No, I did not get a different job, this is my normal job, it just so happens we like to have fun sometimes, and I was volunteered to be on a relay race with adult hippity hoppity balls (our team won), and let me tell you, it's a workout. So in the name of fun, I'm leaving it up to the comments on this post to determine how I will go about starting my exercise routine. Here are your choices:

1. Hippity Hop throughout my neighborhood (probably not) and throughout my house (more likely):

2. Rebound in my living room while watching movies and tv:

3. Start running (or let's be honest, walking fast with a bounce here and there), and since I live where I live, it'd most likely be running in the rain:

Ready, set, VOTE!

mmmm fresh bread

2011-10-28T20:35:00.001-07:00

Since bread is a rarity in my diet, I take my once in a bluemoon sandwich very seriously. It was a rainy, blustery day today on the coast.The perfect sort of day to be staying home for fun instead of working. The sortof day to watch Bones season 6 marathon style. And the sort of day to makebread in my bread machine.

There was a bump along the way, of course, the power wentout for about 40 minutes in the middle of my bread machine cycle. Thankfullythe machine picked back up right where it left off when the power came back on,and a couple hours later, I have sandwich bread.

I also have Clausson pickles, which are the only kind toget. I have ham, cheddar, tomato, mayo, mustard, ground cumin, garlic salt, paprika,and pepperoncinis.

I am the happiest girl.

on beauty

2011-10-25T16:54:00.001-07:00

I’vebeen thinking a lot recently about beauty. So many mornings when I wake up andI look in the mirror, I make some sort of face or noise voicing my disapprovalthat I’m not waking up looking like Angelina Jolie on her finest day. First ofall, where is this expectation of mine that I should be flawless? Second ofall, why is beauty such a focus?

Irecently read an article about studies done that show most people willsubconsciously think a woman is more capable if she is wearing makeup(particularly a lipstick darker than her natural color) than those who go aunaturale. Solooks matter.

Irecently watched a documentary where a journalist and some other fellows gostudy a leper colony in Africa for a month. These people are marked permanentlyby their disease, yet they embrace life—they fight for the joy that comes withlife. So looks are really not that important.

Irecently had a friend tell me I was looking wonderful on a day I’d dresseddown, thrown my hair in a bun, and been sparse with makeup, but I was feelingon top of the world with life. So looks reflect your attitude.

WhatI gather from all of this is that beauty matters, joy matters, and joy createsbeauty. Anyone else have some thoughts?

on being tough

2011-10-23T18:48:00.001-07:00

I went to a fundraising banquet yesterday and ate somedelicious ribs. Problem is, I didn’t have a good resource of who to ask aboutthe way the ribs were prepared or what they were cooked with.

Am I paying for it now?

Yes, yes I am. Today has been a hard day for my stomach.

Iain being the helpful fix-it man that he is tells me I needto stop eating things I’m not absolutely sure about. He’s wonderful when we’reout at restaurants or other catered events. He finds out exactly how things aremade, even to the point of embarrassing me because he won’t accept “I’m notsure” for an answer. He makes that person find someone else who knows. He’s aforce to be reckoned with. He is intimidating. He gets the job done.

So I’m thinking I need to be more this way.

I remember back in my teenage years when my dad tested outmy backbone. We were driving home from somewhere when he responds to something Isaid in a snarky judgmental way. Now anyone who knows my father knows he is theexact opposite of both of those things. Was I taken aback? Yes. Was I shocked?Yes. Was I confused? Yes. Did I call him out on it? YES! And that’s when hesmiles his normal smile, and tells me he wanted to make sure I could stand upfor myself.

What a guy.

I might have developed some backbone in my relationships,but I’m finding I need to find a little backbone when it comes to my food. Inan effort to not feel this way again if I can help it, I’m going to start beinga little tougher.

shout out

2011-10-22T22:01:00.000-07:00

Since it's been quite a few days since my last blog, and I don't have a whole lot of new things to say yet, I thought I'd direct you to some other fantastic reading. This is a taste of some of the blogs I like to read:

http://thesaradarling.com/

http://ermineandpearls.com/

http://verygray.blogspot.com/

Happy reading!

weekend food failures and successes

2011-10-16T19:34:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I decided to do some good ole autumn cooking. My new most favorite thing to do on weekends is to have Iain watching the football game in the living room, and me cooking, writing letters, and reading. I'm not a huge football fan, in fact, I very rarely watch what's happening, but it's a familiar and homey sound to me. It's also not distracting (for reading purposes) like dialogue or other tv shows would be.

So yesterday I cooked a myriad of things, most of which were lovely. Specifically of note: my stew. I braised the stew meat for almost three hours with shallots, garlic, onion, tomato paste, and red wine. I then added broth, potato, carrot, green pepper, and celery. I had every intention of adding corn, but I forgot. It was delicious, even though Iain said it was missing the Bisquick dumplings.

What didn't go so well was the acorn squash seeds. See how lovely they look here after I painstakingly pulled them out of the squash, separated them from the goo, and washed them?

I put them on foil, added garlic salt, pepper, and a spray of pam, and popped them in the oven. The squash was in the oven cooking already, so I kinda forgot about them.

I wish I had an after picture, I really do, because it was sad business. They weren't totally BLACK, but they were a chocolate sort of brown that is NOT what you want to see on roasted seeds. I tasted a few, and it was kind of like the taste of burnt popcorn--you could taste how it would be really good except for the fact that it was burnt.

I'll try again someday. We don't have squash terribly often, so it might be a bit, but I'll try to remember to follow-up here on any future failures or successes with the seeds.

In other news, today I made some delicious guacamole. I put a roma tomato, some white onion, juice of half a lime, a bit of sour cream, cumin, garlic powder, cayenne pepper, and a bit of chili powder. It was the perfect color green.

I'm currently roasting a mixture of the following: beets, carrots, leeks, onions, green peppers, mini sweet peppers, celery, garlic, fresh rosemary, and potatoes. It's just now done, and Iain is just finishing the salisbury steak. Time for dinner. :)

vacation flub

2011-10-12T18:58:00.000-07:00

I'm experience vacation flub.

No matter how good I intend to be when out of my own home and my own routine, I always end up eating more than expected, eating out, drinking out, etc. So I'm feeling a bit fat now. I've been trying really hard not to be negative to myself about weight. I know what I see is not what other people see. I know I don't look that different today than I did a week ago. It's all about how I feel.

This is what encourages me to be active more than anything. It's not that all of the sudden I'll look completely different, it's that I know if I'm staying active, my body will feel better, and I'll see myself as a strong, fit woman.

I watch the show The Biggest Loser, and I have for many seasons. What I find a bit funny is that I always watch it while sitting on the couch. Inevitably I watch it while eating dinner, while drinking wine, while snacking, or all of those. I've been telling Iain I need to buy a treadmill, elliptical, or a stationary bicycle to place right behind our couch. This way, I can do mega amounts of cardio while watching these shows. Would I actually do it? I'm not sure.

It's a matter of deciding, and I know this. I control how I take care of the body I've been given. I have the capability of being disciplined. I spent years in school being disciplined in my studies. That wasn't easy. I'm disciplined in cultivating a deep and meaningful relationship with my husband. Sometimes that's not easy. I can be strong willed, it's just a matter of choosing.

dance and drink the night away

2011-10-09T12:57:00.000-07:00

Dancing downtown until the wee hours of the morning lastnight was a BLAST! I had many successes with the evening of indulging—I didn’tsmoke, and I didn’t shove my face full of starchy deep fried things! I did putback a few drinks, which I know is not good for my liver.

I decided to google what the healthiest alcohol is, eventhough none of them are good when you drink too many, but still was interested.

Obviously red wine is the winner—you’ve heard it everywhere,and more specifically today, I read it at Esquire.com in an article named “AGuide to the World’s Healthiest Booze.”

Red wine is packed with antioxidants (good for lots ofthings including the lining of the heart’s blood vessels), it can reduce badcholesterol, and it’s looking like it also reduces the risk of lung cancer.Probably it doesn’t do these things when you drink a bottle of wine byyourself, but good to know for those moderate times.

Gin is on the list as well. Made from juniper berries, it’spresumed to decrease blood-glucose levels, but the health benefits have notbeen terribly overwhelming, so forget Christmas-tree-tasting liquor.

Whiskey is said to be decent for you with a shot holding thesame antioxidant benefits as your suggested daily vitamin C intake. The ellagicacid in whiskey also fights cancer. It might feel nice and fiery going down,but I can’t do the taste of it.

So this brings me back to wine. It might not always seemlike the most exciting option when you’re out at a bar whose house red leavessome to be desired, but it’s probably the best option.

Because my drink of choice last night was vodka with clubsoda and cranberry juice, I tried to find something on the internet that wouldsay vodka has all sorts of health benefits, even when you drink a boatload likeI did last night…but no luck.

Looking at the positive side, I didn’t drink enough to makeme sick today! Hooray for some self-control! It gets better all the time. Also, the time spent rockin' my moves probably burned a good amount of calories.

sardines and things

2011-10-02T07:41:00.001-07:00

My dad is all about inner health and how nutrition playsinto pretty much everything. One thing I remember him eating every so often aretinned sardines in tomato sauce. I decided to try this out. $2.19 at IGA, mylittle grocery store .2 miles from the house, I’m thinking this could be acheap and healthy meal for me. I buy some Nut Thins (the pecan kind) to go withit and head home. I bought a whole bunch of other good stuff, too, mainlyproduce, but that’s not important right now.

So the sardines—I look up some stuff online to see what thebig whoopla is about them. They’re gaining popularity these days because of theamount of omega-3 fatty acids in them. Everyone’s on a fish oil kick thesedays, right? They’re also an incredible source of protein. They’re packed withvitamin D (apparently a difficult thing to get through food) and B vitamins(particularly B12 and niacin). And did I mention they’re low in calories andgreat for your heart and bones?

But did I ALSO mention that they smell of fish and bloodymary mix? They squish up into mush at the touch of a fork. I decided this was abetter way of eating them anyway, so they looked less like little fish with theskin still on. I mushed everything up with the tomato sauce it came in. Igrabbed some whipped cream cheese out of the fridge and went to town. Pecan NutThin, cream cheese, sardine mush.

I have to tell you, it wasn’t as bad as I thought. I kepttrying to think of canned tuna, because they’re both fish, and tuna doesn’tfreak me out at all. The flavor wasn’t bad—not too fishy. I got courageous andput some of the sardine mush on a celery stick for a more low calorie option,but that was a mistake. I went back to the cracker, cheese, mush mix and ateabout half of the mush. It did fill me up, for sure, but it was something aboutthe texture that was less than appealing. I’m not sure I’ll do it again, butfor today, it was a good experiment.

OH! Also, about sardines, they mainly eat plankton insteadof other little fishes, so they’re really low in the metals and things peopletend to worry about with tuna and salmon and the like.

Also eaten for lunch today: celery stalk sliced, ¼ tomato,handful of little sweet peppers sliced, sliced red onion, and sliced redcabbage with my homemade dressing made up of fish oil, grapeseed oil, red winevinegar, soy sauce, ground ginger, crushed garlic, and sugar.

On a fitness note – I put in the P90X yoga DVD and got 15minutes into the hour and a half workout. I scrapped that for a walk. I walked4 times around my little neighborhood loop for a total of one mile. Later on, Ialso jogged to the mailbox and jogged back. That’s about all the jogging I wantto do in one day.

I cleaned the floors in the kitchen today. I hate cleaningfloors. Sweeping, mopping…I hate it all. I sucked it up because I like a cleanhouse. I swept thoroughly. I took my homemade cleaner (½ distilled water, ½white vinegar and a splash or so of rubbing alcohol) and an old sponge and wentto town. They look GREAT and I’m exhausted. I managed to make my surroundingsmore beautiful and sweat a good deal in the process.

I sat outside with a pot of green tea, a blanket, and abook. It’s not sunny, but I think there’s something to be said for beingoutside in the fresh air.

New Focus

2011-10-01T12:50:00.001-07:00

I’ve been thinking for a while now that my blog needs afocus. I haven’t been writing anything because I can’t think of anything thatwould be interesting enough or pertinent enough to write down.

I’ve been making some life changes recently all centered onmy new mantra: love my body. I figure this is a good enough focus as any for myblog for the next bit. It’s what’s on my mind, so it can be what I write aboutas well.

The History:

Like any girl growing up, I had my fair share of body imageissues. Blame it on the media, on culture, on social expectation, or anythingelse you like, but it was there. I was never thin enough—even at 112 pounds andeating only 800 calories a day. I was never stylish enough. I was never prettyenough.

Like any young adult, I have felt basically immortal. Withthe vices I had accepted as part of my young adult life—someday to change, butthat day wasn’t now—I was beating up my body on the inside.

Like any human, I have dealt with insecurities. I’m my ownworst critic. I expect nothing short of perfection—really setting myself up fordisappointment at every turn. And I’m fairly mean to myself with the thoughts Ithink. I would never think of telling someone the extra bit of fat on theirhips was disgusting, revolting, and what a loser for not doing anything aboutit. But do I tell it to myself, sure I do.

The Plan:

All this said, my new mantra has brought some change. I’mmaking a focused effort to make my life more like what I’ve always daydreamedit to be. I’m cutting out the harmful things and replacing them with thelife-giving things.

What to Expect:

I plan to blog about the things I do on a daily basis tolive out this mantra of loving my body. Some things you might see frequentlyare explanations of what I’m eating and why, how many days it’s been since Iquit smoking (day 17 today), what I’m doing to get more exercise, what I’mdoing to change my mindset, and how I’m changing my surroundings to promote allof these things.

Like any writer, I love comments and encouragement. If you’restopping by to read, feel free to leave a quick hello or thought in thecomments. J

reason 5,634,254 why i love my hubby

2011-03-05T08:02:00.000-08:00

he's got ALL the moves...

today's finds

2011-02-27T18:21:00.000-08:00

Tonight I'm sitting around watching the oscars and waiting for my gluten-free banana cake cupcake to thaw out. Meanwhile, I'm perusing etsy.com for things I like. I found a few things in the last couple hours:

some lovely, simple earrings

boots that harken back to a time before i was born

dainty coin purse

I love unique things, and I feel like I have a very particular idea of the things I'd want to wear/own...but I don't shop much, and haven't in the past spent a lot of time looking at what's out there to even find out what that style really is.

I might be doing this more going forward, and I'll be sure to share what I find into the cyber void.

Love.

lockets

2011-02-26T21:35:00.000-08:00

I went back home to Colorado recently and spent some time with my family. I love seeing my family. They are like a breath of fresh air for me. If I had to be stranded on a desert island, my family would be some of my top people going with me. That and some instruments and art supplies, of course, because my family is incredibly artsy and talented. One thing I noticed was my sister's locket. From a knocked chain hanging from her neck was an aged golden locket. It fits her style and her body well. While we were out shopping for our combined birthday celebration (me, 1/29; sister, 2/18; mom 2/5) I saw some more lockets at a shop downtown. I've been thinking of lockets since, so I decided to see what I could find on etsy. I found three that I love love love:

my favorite, fox locket

glass locket with a bit of lace inside, and what you can't see is the chain with three different link types in sections...

bird locket

birthday

2011-01-28T23:31:00.001-08:00

I turn 25 tomorrow!

sturdy little plant

2011-01-15T12:21:00.000-08:00

I've had this little plant for going on eight years. It's a sturdy little guy. I've forgotten about it for weeks on end, and it still manages to pull through. I repotted it today. This was long overdue. It has some new soil, more room for its roots, and a new little wormy friend that is supposed to tell me when it needs to be watered depending on the color:

I love my plant.

pillows

2010-11-16T17:05:00.000-08:00

I'm loving the idea of pillows recently. I wish I had a fabulous couch to put them on, but ce la vie, that will come. If I DID have such a couch, I would most definitely start collecting as many of these as I could:

I found them at this really nifty site I found.

Wouldn't they all just look so smashing together on a couch? Ok, maybe not the pink one with the yellow ruffles. But all the others!

clean clean clean

2010-11-07T12:00:00.000-08:00

Today I am feeling like nothing is clean enough. I feel like I should be strung out on meth for how strongly I'm feeling everything is gross today. It's probably hormonal, but I feel like every inch of my living space is incredibly dirty. My eyes are roaming about finding every overlooked spider web, every stain in the old carpet, every aged and discolored spot of the linoleum, every dust particle, and every unorganized or cluttered part of the house. When I feel this way, I want nothing more than for my living space to look like this:

I don't know how to accomplish this. Even if this was a house I owned and could do things like paint and remodel, how would I do this without spending lots of money and buying all new furniture. There have to be ways to get the same effect. A room like this makes me feel light and happy on the inside. It also makes me realize how grimy the sofa looks, how dark my bookshelf and kitchen cabinets look, and how nothing seems to match except the rug, coffee table, and side tables. Those things we have bought in the last year--pretty much the only furniture we've bought in that timeframe except for the bright red desk.

My stuff seems cluttered. My colors seem cluttered. The dirt seems cluttered. It makes me want to purge and get rid of stuff. Like that will help make things seem airy. In realty, I just need a place for everything. Must brainstorm on how to make this a reality in my budget and with my current stuff. Anyone have thoughts?

things i love

2010-11-06T14:07:00.000-07:00

I decided recently that the best way for me to not want to buy new pretty things all the time is to focus on the things I already have that were once new and I still love. This exercise should make me blog more with pictures, something I've been wanting to do, and it should make me appreciate the things I already have. That's the goal. So to start this off, I have highlighted a few things that I love that I happen to be wearing today.

First is my most favorite shoes. These are my boots that I bought last fall. I'm not sure how I managed to have no comfy boots in my wardrobe after living in Colorado for eleven years, but I noticed after moving and dealing with the mud and rain that I didn't have any. These are what I bought:

Another of my favorites I've had for years. Not really sure how long, but it's one of my staples. I know it's old because I can't remember when I bought it, but also because it's falling apart. It always starts with the hem at the bottom and the little corner on the edge of the sleeve. It's unraveling, it's true. My black shirt that is exactly like this has a hole in the back as well. It doesn't stop me from wearing them. They're the best tissue thin tees I own. This one is my gray one. I love gray:

These pants are also some of my favorites. They're my skinny jeans I bought at Charlotte Rousse like five billion years ago when skinny jeans were first hitting the stores. They have the slightest stretch to them, which is the only reason I can get them on right out of the drier. Here they are:

So there you have it. Three things I love that I already have.

In other news, it's Saturday, and I love Saturdays. I get to watch a little two month old baby tonight for a few hours. I'm very excited for that.

I'm trying to eat better. My goal is to eat colorfully. For breakfast/lunch today I had a grapefruit in greek honey yogurt and 2 cups of juiced carrots and celery. Oh, and then I had two pieces of Iain's bacon. My other favorite colorful lunch is thinly sliced red cabbage with toasted almond slices, grated parmessan cheese, and my homemade asian dressing.

Mmmm ok. Bye bye for now.

etsy find of the day and other things

2010-10-30T12:12:00.000-07:00

pretty spoon ring

I think this ring is really pretty. If my memory serves me correctly, I think my mom had a spoon handle ring that I used to try on.

Iain and I recently bought a new bed. It's a TempurPedic bed. We have been sleeping so much better. It's amazing what a good night's sleep will do for you. I have gotten into this habit of sleeping abotu 12 hours on Friday nights. It's delightful.

Today, after Iain's off to work, I'm headed to my Sis's house (this is Iain's sister who everyone, including all his friends, have named Sis), and we're off to a shop called The Crystal Wizard. I've never been, but apparently they have really cool stones, glass things, and various other odds and ends.

I just finished filling out Iain's FAFSA forms for going back to school for a Marketing degree. We are very excited about this. I hate the waiting after submitting those forms to see what you qualify for. Immediately it did say he was eligible for a Pell Grant. I never was, thanks to my parents' income, which I had to claim because I was young. This is what happens when your 2009 tax returns prove you made very little money that year.

Well, that's it for now.

etsy find of the day

2010-10-24T13:52:00.000-07:00

the store this is from

for sure

2010-10-24T13:31:00.000-07:00

I know a few things for sure:

1. I must find my camera (it's been missing since the move a year ago) so I can post pictures of my life and loves on this lil blog. All of my photos are from over a year ago, taken by someone else, or taken on the photobooth function on this mac of mine. This must change. This also means I must go through, in depth, the boxes that are left in the garage. I need to do this anyway, but it is a lot of work, you see.

2. I am going to read more for fun because for the first time in a long time, I am completely done with school and don't plan on starting again. My free time is free time. I get to do what I want. And what I want, is to be well read.

3. I will be working on being less consumer-driven. Iain and I want to save money and pay some things off (like student loans), but at the same time I want express myself well and creatively. The challenge will be loving the things I already have, altering them to make them new, or taking much more care in the things that I do buy.

4. I would like to be in better shape but know I will never go to a gym regularly, and will not go outside in anything but perfect weather to exercise there. I must find an alternative or just be happy with being a little fluffy at the edges.

5. I am working on being more moderate in all things. Be it spending money, things I like to eat or drink, my expectations, or my emotional gamut. Moderation.

love

2010-10-09T10:49:00.000-07:00

plans

2010-10-03T10:57:00.001-07:00

Oh to have two days off in a row! This is amazing! I slept in until about ten. I made the coffee. I looked at my normal online sites like school and facebook. I’ve picked up the living room a little bit. I opened the curtains to see a beautifully sunny day. I’ve made plans for today, too.

I’m going to go to the library to find some fun, easy books to read. I’m going to go to BiMart to possibly get some free weights so I can stop being so puny. I’m going to go to Grocery Outlet to see if I can save money on the things I’d usually buy at Safeway. Lastly, I’ll go to Safeway to get the things Grocery Outlet did not have.

I’ll come home and look at all the pretty vegetables and fruits I bought. I’ll do some school. I’ll read my newly borrowed books. I’ll make my lunch for tomorrow. The only thing that would make this all better is if I had mailed back the Dexter DVDs to netflix earlier and already had my next fix of Gilmore Girls.

I love that it’s starting to be fall. I love fall. I think it’s probably my favorite season. I light my fall-smelling candles everyday.

There are two projects I’ve wanted to start sometime soon. One is to make my own autumn wreath to hang on the door with warm, earthy colors that say “I’m cozy, homey, and enjoying this season of life.” The other project is to create some sort of book with the dates of the month written out without days of the week so I can write down when everyone’s birthday and anniversaries are. I’m terrible at remembering these things, and I think with the right sort of coffee table book, I would be better at wishing everyone happiness on these important days. If I’ve missed your birthday before, I’m very sorry, I am just that lame. But I have plans to be better.

dreams

2010-10-02T11:26:00.000-07:00

Last night I ended up watching this show on netflix about dreams. It was a show aired on pbs, gotta love pbs, that looked into what dreaming is and why we do it. I learned quite a few things. I learned that dreaming helps us learn. I learned that dreaming is a certain part of the brain sending showers of random signals to the top of the brain where they try to connect themselves and make sense of the signals. I learned that dreaming is where our brain loosely associates our past with worries about our future, and this prepares us for life. I learned that in REM sleep, our brain actually paralyzes our bodies. Scientists figured out how to turn that paralysis off with a certain drug, so they tested it on cats and dogs. They acted out their dreams without waking up. There’s a sleep disorder in humans, which saved us from actually experimenting on ourselves (I mean, thank goodness, why would we want to actually experiment on OURSELVES instead of little fluffy things?), where the person moves about acting out their dreams, and it can actually be a danger to his/her spouse/partner or themselves. I also learned that we are more creative right when we wake up from dreaming. Also, non-REM sleep makes us more positive and happy upon waking whereas REM sleep makes us negative and depressed upon waking. Not just upon waking, but it can go throughout the day. It’s the REM sleep where you experience really strong emotions like intense fear, intense rage, etc. What nightmares are made of.

The other night I had a dream that aliens had taken over the world and killed every human or possessed them, and I was the only human left standing. While the alien possessed humans were trying to put on a play, I slipped away, drove around, realized what had happen, drove to a parking lot, turned off my car, and leaned my chair back to hide. In the meantime, I saw a gross alien (which really just looked like a human totally deformed with a head near its stomach and limbs poking out of corners) watching me from the back of another car. Even though he was really scary, he didn’t look like he would hurt me.

Last night I had a dream I was getting ready to go to someone’s wedding. I couldn’t find anything to wear, my sister Kinsey was trying to help me find something, but none of it was working. I had on one outfit, which was an argyle sweater with a purple suede vest over the top (yikes), but then we realized that all the groomsmen would be wearing purple vests, and I would look silly by matching. I got a dress on that ripped because it was way too small. We finally got to the wedding. It was an outside wedding. The groomsmen and groom, instead of coming down the aisle, were dancing around like they were putting on a theatrical play (weird, this seems to be a theme). They were also wearing those fake teeth that look like they’re rotting.

Sometimes I dream that I can dance really well. It’s not normal dancing; it’s like jumping and twirling—like ice-skating but on land. I dreamt that too last night. I was having a ball, then somehow my clothes disappeared, and all I had was my down comforter to stay decent and my boobs kept popping out. It was totally embarrassing.

The End.

(I stole the “The End” thing from this other blog I read, but it seemed right here, so I think that’s ok. She knows she’s a good writer.)

colors

2010-10-01T18:24:00.000-07:00

I decided to change the background of my blog because to me it had started looking sad and dull. I still love the image my sister created with my blog title in it, but I couldn't quite figure out how to make the color of it work right or the placing work right. She is the web-page savvy one, not me, so I went with a basic template with bright colors that make me feel light and happy.

I very much am liking my new job at the hospital. I'm always working on something different, and at times when I have nothing to do in the late afternoon, I just get to go home instead of sitting and looking aimlessly at my Outlook inbox waiting for someone to email me and need something done.

Today I got off work at 3:00pm. I loved this because it meant I got to race home and see Iain before he left for work. I love seeing him get ready. First of all, he looks oh-so-smashing in a suit, and he smiles a lot at me, and he puts on his cologne and I get to smell it while it's still fresh.

Now he's still at work. I've watched the most recent episode of Grey's, watched part of Private Practice and decided it's just not that interesting anymore, cleaned out the bunny's litter box, and now am pretty bored. I start to wonder in times like these what people do to keep themselves occupied. This is something I should probably figure out seeing as I'm no longer working at the wine shop, so I'll have two days a week off, and I'm two and a half weeks away from being all done with school. Not to mention, I'm out of shows on netflix to watch in marathon-like style.

What do people DO with their time?

coming to a close

2010-09-11T16:38:00.000-07:00

Being in my last class of my masters program reminds me of my last semester of college. It felt a little surreal, felt like it would never end, and also went by with incredible speed. I didn't work quite as hard as I had the whole way up til that point, but it also felt like I got things done without as much effort. I think part of coming to a close with something is that all of the sudden you realize how fruitless stress is. Maybe it's just the fact that you're almost done that makes you not as stressed. It does make you wish you could have that feeling at the beginning or the middle of things.

One of my favorite things about this program I'm in is that the classes are only six weeks long. Currently, I have five weeks and two days until I'm completely done. I've done it with two Bs and nine As so far. I am quite happy about this. Pat on the back for me. Especially when I nearly quit the first week I had moved to Oregon. Thanks to my parents and Iain for encouraging me not to give up.

What am I going to do with all of my free time and lack of stress, you ask? I plan to read. Read for fun instead of reading for school. It helps that I think I'll like the text book reading in this last class. Anyone who knows me at all probably knows this class is the one that fits me the best: Strategic Planning and Implementation.

finding things

2010-09-05T09:46:00.000-07:00

About a month ago Iain and I decided to finally unpack the boxes we had sitting in the garage. We knew we'd probably get rid of half of the stuff in there considering we had been living without it for nearly a year. Sure enough, we ended up taking a full truck-load to the dump. Mind you, we did this before we moved as well. Who knew we had so much junk!? And us being minimalists to boot.

We got the majority of everything unpacked and put away. I have full use of my juicer again. The breadmaker is still sitting in on a shelf in the kitchen without being used (but I can't bring myself to give it away--what if I happen to get the fifteen different flours to make gluten-free bread again?). I am reminded again how very small my food processor is. And I'm finding all of the books I own that I've never read.

I must like what I know and continue to go back to the things I know I like. Today when picking out a book to start, I grab one I've read probably three times before--the last Harry Potter book. I'm a sucker for the series and will probably read it all the way through every couple years from here on out.

I looked in three boxes and couldn't find the ridiculous Twilight series I like to read for my inner-sixteen-year-old. Bahumbug. Looks like I'll need to set a time to completely clear out the few boxes that are left: hall closet box, various things from our bedroom box, extra blankets box, and books box (all four of them).

I knew moving to a whole new place would take time to adjust. After a complete year (as of a few days ago) I finally feel settled into my new home. I can't say the same for my books.

july

2010-07-16T23:19:00.001-07:00

So apparently July is not the month for blogging. Ah well, there's always August.

sun, i remember you

2010-06-27T10:33:00.000-07:00

THIS is why people live on the Oregon Coast. days like yesterday and today. There is not a SINGLE cloud in the sky. The sun is beautiful and makes the ocean dance and sparkle. There are kites everywhere (also the kite festival this weekend), and everything smells like green.

Iain and I walked down to the beach yesterday afternoon (about three or four blocks away) and sat on the cement/rock wall above the beach for a good half hour while chatting about life and happiness.

This is something I've been thinking a lot about recently. I think everyone has these ideas of what they could do in their life, where they could move, what sort of job they could get, that would make them happy. I know people know things won't buy happiness. They should also know that situations don't buy happiness either.

I am becoming more and more convinced that this illusive emotion called happiness is (a) fleeting and (b) unreliable. I suppose its counterpart would be deep sadness. This is also fleeting and unreliable. Sometimes I cry without a whole lot of reason, and it usually only lasts a few minutes. I am euphorically happy sometimes as well, but it only lasts for maybe part of a day. I don't think this makes me a miserable person or a not satisfied person or someone whose life is lacking something.

I think we expect the wrong things out of our emotions. We would be like meth-heads or heroin-shooters if we really wanted to live in that peak of happiness all the time. It's not realistic, and it probably wouldn't be all that great after a while. I think it's the variety, the peaks and valleys of the emotional scale, that make our lives interesting. It's the climbing and diving that makes every stage of it seem different and special.

I think instead of striving for happiness, it'd be better and more attainable to strive for peace and contentment. Peace and contentment is not always super joyous. It's also not always super sad. It can be anything. Peace and contentment could, I think, encompass a wide range of the emotional scale. I would guess it would be much more reliable as well. And much more fulfilling.

I think there are two things that get in the way of peace and contentment. One is boredom. the other is impatience. I think these go hand-in-hand as well. (Side note, I am really thankful for the auto-save function on this blogging site, because I just accidentally navigated away and was afraid I had lost everything before this...that would have been very far to the sad side of the emotional scale.) Boredom comes when nothing sounds satisfying. There are always things to do. There's always a house to clean, stories to think up, books to read, movies to watch, news to learn about...so there's really never a situation where anyone ever should be bored. It's the impatience that makes this boredom happen. We live in such a sensory stimulated society (I love accidental alliteration) that we feel like we should be totally absorbed by every sense all of the time. We always want to feel someone next to us (or at least in the same room) while watching something on tv and also talking every so often while we also check our social networking sites online. There's a point where multi-tasking is not beneficial. I start to wonder if it's every beneficial. If we get used to doing five things at once, I don't think we'll ever feel right or satisfied just doing one thing at a time and appreciating that one thing.

Well thanks, readers, for hearing out my mind-ramblings about happiness. I'm going to try out this one thing at a time thing and see how it goes.

grumble grumble

2010-06-24T19:54:00.000-07:00

I'm a big pouty pants tonight. I blame this on hormones mainly. Could also be that my tummy hurts. And that it hurts frequently. I imagine this is due to my dairy intolerance and that I still eat dairy. Could also be my hypoglycemic tendencies and I don't get enough protein. But gosh, it seems like so much work and so much planning to cut dairy out, to cut refined sugars and those things like it out, and then make sure I have the RIGHT things to eat every few hours throughout the day. It's probably not that I don't have enough time. When I wasn't working when we first moved to Oregon I proved that more time does not equal more productivity.

The same goes for feeling sleepy and tubby some of the time. I have had time to exercise, I have also had time to not exercise, and I don't do it in either situation. I expect this makes me lazy.

So how does a lazy person become not so lazy? Discipline? How does a not-so-disciplined person become disciplined? Anyone?

Bahumbug.

Father's Day

2010-06-20T16:21:00.000-07:00

Today I wish I was in Colorado Springs hanging out with my parents' beautiful home. If I were, I'd make my dad dinner, something totally decadent and delicious. I'd give him a back rub instead of the other way around. He gives the best ones, and I doubt he gets many in return. I'd make him play the piano for me and listen to all of the lovely melodies he's created. This is probably more for me than him, but still, it's what I would do today.

I think if there's any person in this whole world that I am most like in personality, in how I react to life, in how I view emotion and rationality and spirituality, it'd be my dad. We're two of a kind. I think he understands me and I understand him. There might be a generation between, but there are things that transcend the time gap. We feel deeply. We scar easily. We love freely. We think critically. We imagine creatively.

There are exactly two people that I would spend my life trying to be like, one is my dad. The other, I'll let you guess. One hint, though, she's stunningly beautiful, has a fire to her eyes, has a twinkle in her step, and smiles like a sunrise.

Love!

saturday sun

2010-06-05T11:51:00.000-07:00

Today it feels like spring! The sun is out full-force, and the temperatures are forecasted in the 70s for the day. BLISS! I tell you, all this rain makes for amazing smells when the morning turns out sunny. I was drinking my cup of coffee on the back porch this morning. The smells that hit my nose (other than the cheap coffee) were amazing. There's flowers of all sort around the house. There's greenery everywhere--even where we don't want it. The sun seemed to make all of the smells more intense. This even with my morning stuffy-nose from sleeping on a feather pillow.

I'm on a two week break from school. I can't tell you how relaxing this is. I thought I'd be really bored, but no. In this instance, having less to do made me less bored. This just proves to me that sometimes this boredom I feel is realy restlessness (aptly put by my lil' jen). It could be stress in boredom's clothing. Either way, school will be done in October, which with how the months are flying by, doesn't seem that far away.

Iain and I signed up for Netflix again. This is a good decision considering Blockbuster is a horrifying money-eater. We're remembering how amazing Netflix is hooked up to our XBoxLive. We can isntantly stream so many things! We've started a new show: 24. I'm hooked. I'm on hour (episode) 12 or 13 now of the first season. It's intense. I love it. I love watching shows like this--marathon style.

Tonight's agenda: watch 24, do laundry, finish cleaning the kitchen, fix my ugly nails.

hair and sweaters

2010-05-30T12:59:00.000-07:00

This morning I decided to let my hair air dry. My thought is at least a few days a week not blow drying it with all that heat--which I hear is bad for hair. I'm trying to grow my hair long, so the healthier it is, the better chances I have of it looking decent when it gets long.

This was a bad idea today. I tend to forget that when I let my hair air dry it turns limp and frizzy. Makes for a bad hair day. So I've twisted it away to the back of my head in a bun. Not even an attractive bun.

My sweater, on the other hand, does make me happy. It's my angora sleevless long cardigan from the gap. I got it for my birthday and it makes me feel like I'm snuggling with my bunny all day long.

I'm thinking tonight seems like a good night to curl up on the couch with comfort food, a glass of wine, and a good movie. The question now is what movie to watch? One of my favorites that I watch over and over and haven't seen in a bit? Maybe Wimbeldon? Maybe Stranger Than Fiction? I could always go to Blockbuster and rent one. Iain and I just rented two, though, with a gift card I had. We got Valentine's Day (lame-o) and Leap Year (pretty predictably cute). I've already watched Leap Year twice and don't feel like watching it again. We aslo need to return Iron Man (which by now I'm sure we've bought from them). Maybe that will be my after work plan. I'll take the movies back, see if I want another one, go to the grocery store and find some good snacky dinner things, and then head back home and not get off the couch.

slow saturday nights

2010-05-29T19:54:00.000-07:00

It is 7:48pm right this moment and I am wondering what to do with my evening. I have taken my final exam for this class. I will write my final paper on Monday. I have watched the girly movie from Blockbuster for a second time in the last two days. I have eaten dinner. I have had a glass of wine and played a little game on my ipod. I have perused the internet for interesting things. Now I must decide what next. Things I could be doing include sorting through the pile of clothes on my bedroom floor. This pile contains both clean and dirty clothes, and the task will be seeing which is which and putting the non-dirty clothes away. I'm pretty sure there is still a load of clean, dry jeans in the dryer that I should take out and fold. I could also give the bathroom a quick cleaning. This is really it. I suppose I should just get up and do those things considering they will all take about half an hour.

Other things bouncing around in my head this evening: Iain and I have discovered we tend to get bored easily. Even if it's just four hours in an evening we both happen to have off, we get bored and then a little frustrated. Can't we just relax for goodness' sake? Of course, we could be going through the boxes in the garage and throwing out what we don't want, but that doesn't ever seem like a very fun or relaxing thing to do. We could walk down to the beach, which we do every so often, but then we walk back and continue to be a little bored.

All this boredom has got me thinking, I really should probably start a novel here soon. I mean really, if I can get bored working six days a week at two jobs and working on school full-time, I need a hobby.

I shall take suggestions for a hobby now.

Back to the novel thing, if I really do want to start work on this, which I have proven I have time for, the problem then comes with what to write a story about. My life in fiction as so many authors tend to do? Fanciful romance flick like all the predictable girly movies I watch? Or something with an actual good plot going on. Plot seems to be my problem.

I shall take suggestions for a plot now.

bumps and bruises

2010-05-23T13:45:00.000-07:00

I really would love to be able to go a full week without giving myself another bruise! Just now I discovered a particularly tender one on my left elbow where I clipped the counter corner at work a few days ago. I had rubbed it pretty hard at the time hoping to avoid this bruise (still not sure if that old trick really works or not), but alas, here it is all red, purple, and painful.

Iain thinks it's because I'm always in a hurry. He thinks this is why I have trouble balancing my cash at the end of the day sometimes at work.

I think he's probably right. I tried to slow down though! Just look at when I moved here and wasn't working much. I tried to slow down. I just got bored. So I'm wondering where the balance is.

Now I daydream about having my own house and having a garden and making bread and making babies (not at the same time) and not working as much again. So which do I really want? Neither?

Either way, one this is for sure: I will be all done with school in October. Five months seems like a ways away, but really it's not. One week and one day left of this class. Three classes after that.

Things that sound nice to me now:
1. A day-shift schedule for Iain.
2. A little bity house of my very own.
3. All the money I needed for decorating and staying home and cooking yummy things and buying movies every now and again and flying back to Colorado for visits.
4. Lots of friends to fill the house with on weekends and lazy evenings.

If we're going for fanciful:
1. A little bity house of my very own on a really pretty orchard or vineyard.
2. A bigger house on the same orchard or vineyard in which I could find my parents on a regular basis. :)
3. A cluster of other houses just down the way with all of my closest and dearest friends.

Yes please!

a typical week

2010-05-23T10:13:00.001-07:00

A typical week looks a little something like this:

Sunday: Sleep in until around 9am, get up, make coffee, get cleaned up and dressed, drink the coffee, kiss the husband, drive down the hill (about 30 seconds) to the wine shop, open shop, tell people about wine all day, close up shop, drive up the hill (about 30 seconds), laze about on the couch for an hour or so, work on school until bed, go to bed.

Monday: Get up early, make coffee, get cleaned up and dressed, drink the coffee, kiss the husband, drive to the middle of town (about 5 minutes) to the bank, take dirty, valuable paper and metal from people, fill out paper slips, tell people to fill out paper slips, put those slips in a little machine that types numbers and things on them, give out dirty, valuable paper and metal to people, make sure I took in and gave out the right amounts and still have the right amounts of dirty, valuable paper and metal, drive home, sit on the couch for about five minutes, finish the school I could have gotten done all week long before midnight today when it is due, go to bed.

Tuesday: Same as Monday, except when I get home I reject school entirely since I did so much the night before and instead, sit around and watch tv or Sweet Home Alabama for the 20th time, go to bed.

Wednesday: Same as Tuesday, except when I get home Iain is there instead of at work, we go to the grocery store, we grill up some dinner, we talk and laze, and then to bed.

Thursday: Same as Wednesday, except maybe we rent a movie or go see a movie or walk on the beach or go somewhere to play pool.

Friday: Same as Monday, except when I get off work I go to the wine shop to catch the tail-end of Fridaynightgirlswinenight and have a glass of wine, then up the hill (about 30 seconds) to home, straight to the computer to do my class participation (necessary 4 days out of the week) before midnight, maybe start a load of laundry, go to bed.

Saturday: Sleep in, wake up next to my hubby, roll out of bed at some point to make coffee, maybe some bacon, lounge about with Iain until he showers to go to work again, I reluctantly do some school reading and discussion participation, finish cleaning (if I'm lucky), go to bed.

Exciting stuff, huh?

missing people

2010-05-18T17:36:00.000-07:00

I believe the person who left always feels like she misses the others more than the others miss her. I wonder if this is actually true, though. Since moving away from Colorado, probably more than ever, I appreciate the friendships I had there. I am awed at the personalities of my friends, and I often think about what amazing people they are--people you don't just meet anywhere. Now, the question becomes, do I realize these things because I'm the one who left? Because I've lived so long without those friend-connections? I have this awful sneaking suspicion that people will forget that I exist. They might see me on facebook and be like "oh, yeah, I knew her once," and that's all. This is why I value those friendships that seem to transcend time. The ones where you haven't seen each other in months, you might not have spoken in weeks or even months, but the moment you get together, it's as if you pick up right where you left off. I like to believe all of my friendships will be this way. But being the one who left, I can't help but be a bit self-conscious that I've lost forever some of the comfortableness of some of those friendships.

Having said all of this, one of my dearest friends left, and I think about her all the time. Maybe it's two-fold. Maybe the ones left think about the one doing the leaving just as much as the one leaving thinks about the ones left. Maybe?

I'm not sure.

Anyone have any thoughts about that? Have you left? Have you been left?

affirmations some more again

2010-05-16T17:12:00.000-07:00

Stephanie: You have the voice of an angel and a spirit of the same. I miss your face. You are so tender, so free, and so sincere.

affirmations some more

2010-05-16T17:11:00.001-07:00

Dawn: You are so spunky and passionate about life, and I love it. I miss our dancing dates in Denver. You can relax and have a good and goofy time, and on the same note delve into the serious and deep things about life.

affirmation continue again and again

2010-05-16T17:09:00.001-07:00

Samantha: You are so lovely in every way. You create the feeling of home wherever you go for the people around you. At least this is true for me. You have such talent and beauty in the way you live life and the way you love your friends (and the way you take pictures).

affirmation continued again

2010-05-16T16:56:00.000-07:00

Meliflower: You have such an eclectic mind. I could talk to you over chips and salsa for hours about religion, philosophy, life, love, God, and a million other things. You might think you have no style (as you've mentioned before), but you'd be entirely wrong, you approach life with a distinct and wonderful style. You are a great friend, a great wife, and a great mother.

affirmation continued

2010-05-16T16:53:00.000-07:00

My dear Sis: You are so generous with your time, your space, your energy, your love, and your money. You are beautiful in every way. You seek to do no harm, but instead love people. You protect the ones you love with mighty fierce. I am blessed for knowing you and being able to call you one of my own.

affirmation

2010-05-16T10:23:00.000-07:00

Affirmation is such a big part of doing anything and feeling good about it. I have come to realize this over my life. I would not have gone to college for English if it wasn't for my mom affirming me as a writer while growing up. Relentlessly, she would praise my writing and expand on how talented she and my dad thought I was. It kept me going even at an early age. I would probably have quit my Masters program by now if it wasn't for the affirmation my parents and husband have given me throughout the process. Kind words of encouragement have kept me going. It's the same with blogging now. Those comments here and there are what keep me posting because I'm affirmed that what I have to say may be interesting or entertaining for someone else.

Affirmations are so important, yet I think we all forget to say them or show them to the people we're close to. Maybe it's because we are so close to them that we figure they just know how we feel and that should be enough. In case it wasn't clear, here are some affirmations to some of the people I love:

Mom: You are hands-down the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. I pray to God that I age like you. I see pictures of you as a teen or in your twenties and thirties, and I swear, you get more beautiful as time goes on. More than that, your heart is so beautiful, and this is what I think shines through everything else.

Dad: You have the biggest heart I have ever seen. You care so much for people. You feel the pain or struggles of those you love like they are your own. You empathize with the pain of those you don't know almost as much. You are incredibly generous. You are a kindred spirit to me. You've always been my hero, the one who saves me, the one who often fixes me, and the one who always gets me.

Kinsey: I am still convinced you don't even know the extent of your talent--talent in every area, in fact. You are incredibly smart--so much smarter than I'll ever be. You create beauty with everything your hands touch. You excel at anything you put your mind to. You are strong and authentic. You are the perfect sister.

Andy: You protect me like a brother. I shouldn't even say "like." You really have become the brother I never had. You are so loyal. I know I can count on you for anything. You exude coolness, too, which I think everyone is jealous about.

Arielle: I love your quiet confidence. You are so comfortable with your own identity and you feel no pressure to defend it. You are wise beyond your years. Peace surrounds you.

Lil Jen: You are such a deep-thinker and a deep-feeler, even though people might not get to see some of what goes on in your head and heart, you experience life to the fullest and welcome people to experience it with you. I am better for knowing you.

Tall Jen: You have a fire in you that is contagious. You are vibrant and beautiful. Your passion for truth and meaning runs deep.

Erica: You are the kindest and sweetest person I have met. You see people as beautiful creations. You serve people with a glad heart. You choose to focus on the good and by that, you create so much good.

Whitney: You are so welcoming. You befriend people and instantly treat them like you've known them for years. I love that you always answer the phone and are always willing to talk.

Renee: You're so laid back and easy-going. Iain and I often find ourselves bored, in a chill mood, nothing really we want to do, nothing really we don't want to do, and we always end up saying "tonight is a renee-and-jake sort of night." We miss calling up and having you over within in ten minutes. :)

Iain: You challenge me. You challenged me from the moment I met you and haven't stopped since. You nudge me in the direction of becoming a stronger woman at every turn. You encourage me when I'm down. You cuddle me when I'm insecure. You are goofy with me. You connect with me on every level. I love living life with you. I love sharing life with you.

letters

2010-05-15T18:15:00.000-07:00

Today I got a letter from my dear friend who lives very very far far away. We write letters in the mail every so often because getting mail is so much fun as is reading a handwritten letter. There's something fun about knowing the person wrote it days before and you're just now getting to read it. Sometimes the waiting can be fun. I know there's email and facebook and blogging and texting and phoneing, but sometimes that period where you're checking the mailbox everyday makes the getting of the letter so much better.

Now, after reading what I just wrote, it smacks of the same stuff I've been saying and she's been saying about life. Sometimes those between moments or phases, where you go through the todays waiting for the tomorrows to begin, very well could be anticipation of something coming. Without the anticipation, though, would we really enjoy what's coming?

Who knows. Either way. I like letters.

tuesday

2010-05-11T20:48:00.000-07:00

Today Iain worked a day shift again, which is always very nice. I was able to leave work a couple minutes before five--a very nice surprise. I made some leftover concoction for dinner. We went to the casino and gave the penny slots some money. We dropped by Joe's (nephew, 13) baseball game for a bit. We drove through some neighborhoods we haven't seen before and were not able to see the beautiful dream house we found on the internet because it's in a gated community. ::sigh:: Now we're at home. He's playing some game. I'm blogging and doing various other internet communication-y things. Soon we will be watching LOST.

All in all it's a very relaxing evening. I enjoy Tuesdays because all of my school assignments are due Monday nights. Inevidibly I leave things until the last minute and Mondays always end in rushing school stuff. Tuesdays I reject school entirely. :)

Something new I love about this town: especially working in a service business, you get to know so many faces of the community...and you see them outside of work! It's small enough you know people almost everywhere. The same lovely old people I help at the bank, I also see in the grocery store, or walking in town. I've been around long enough at the bank, people recognize me and SAY things to me when I bump into them.

Even though none of these people are friends or will ever become my friends, it is still nice to be seen. This feeling of being part of a community where everyone recognizes everyone else is really fun. I fell like I'm on a tv show about a small town. Gossip. Drama. And everyone hears about it from the grocery store to the bank to the casino. Most recently is some sad town news. A 23 year old guy known throughout the community in different ways, or his parents in different ways, committed suicide two nights ago. Very sad stuff. Best wishes and thoughts to the family and close friends.

productivity feels good

2010-05-09T19:40:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning feeling well-rested and ready to go. I made pancakes for my love. This is ridiculously easy considering he bought himself the Bisquick stuff that just needs milk and an egg before frying up. I cleaned the entire house. Well, I straightened. I really didn't deep-clean anything. I vacuumed, I swept, I wiped countertops, did all the dishes, dusted, finally put away the laundry, started another two loads of laundry, made the bed, picked up the bunny's pen, went to the grocery store, went to the pet store, made dinner (so I could have leftover lunches this week), did all my four chapters of school reading, did my discussion participation for school, wrote my weekly summary, and chatted with my fabulous mama (and all the rest of the family at the same time) on video chat. I love video chat. I love my mom. I love getting things done. Oh, and I paid a couple bills. LOOK AT THAT LIST!

saturday snoozing

2010-05-08T18:40:00.000-07:00

What a relaxing day I've had so far. I tell you, a good day of laying about is just bliss after a long week. Work felt busy and tiresome this week. It was just one of those weeks where everything goes wrong--the coin counter breaks twice, my pile of proof goes flying to the floor, you get stuck with drive-through, people are being shuffled around to fill void positions, etc. Altogether it makes for a bump in the normal routine of teller-life. I was ready for the weekend on Tuesday. Now it's finally here, and it is marvelous. Iain got up around 8:45 this morning (strange, I know) and started cleaning like a mad man. He does this often, and I love it! Other than the fact that he's generally pretty noisy when he cleans, I think it's amazing to wake up to a clean house. I got up a couple hours later and joined him in the kitchen for coffee. After a bit he decided it was time to go to the store and get things for pancakes that he had been craving for weeks. Commence project FIND WALLET. Not really wallet, since Iain keeps his license, cards, and cash in a little paper atm card envelope. All the same, this had gone missing somewhere between getting home the night before and us trying to leave for the store.

We searched everywhere.

We checked the fridge, under the couches, behind the curtains, in all of his clothes hanging in the closet, in all of his clothes sitting on the floor, in obvious places in the garage, in the trash...

An hour later (constant searching) Iain checks his pants from the previous night (hanging in the closet) one more time (the ones we'd checked thirteen times in the last hour) and finds them.

Who knows. I swear there are little fairies in this forested place that come in and wreak confusion and havoc upon our unsuspecting minds.

That was the most excitement in the day. We got stuff for pancakes and came home. We cooked, we ate, we watched Lars and the Real Girl on tv (good movie), he played a video game, I read, he napped, I read, he got ready for work, I napped, he left for work, and now I sit at the computer having accomplished a bit of school already. :)

It's been a good day.

And the sun is shining again. It is warm outside. And I am getting very excited about summer.

sunday sunshine

2010-05-02T16:33:00.000-07:00

Even when I spend a relaxing day at the wine shop (working), sitting part of the day while reading when there was a lull in customers, I still manage to feel like I have to sit down and do nothing for a bit after getting off work. This is true whether or not I have just finished up a slow day at the bank, a hectic day at the bank, a normal day at the wine shop...either way, after work, no matter what kind of work, my first impulse when I walk through my front door is to plop down in front of the computer, maybe with a glass of wine (tonight is a Verasion from Henry Estate -- bubbly, sweet, and super delicious), and specifically NOT do school for a good two hours. Why? Nobody knows.

Other than doing various things online, I will finish the laundry, and make sure that The Biggest Loser is set to record on this new cable system. Wouldn't want to miss my shows, now would I? At about 7:00pm I expect to actually get around to my schoolwork. I have two chapters to read, two posts to post, and ideally I would start looking at the virtual organization that I must write a paper about tomorrow evening. This depends on how sleepy I am once the reading and posting and laundering all ends.

I seem to meet interesting people working at the wine shop. A good-natured fellow came in this afternoon to look at the wine selection (found out he used to work for a vineyard in California) and taste what we had up on the bar. He and his buddy (both photographers) decided last year to take a year off of normal life and walk from Canada to Mexico along the coast taking pictures and camping. Sounds fascinating albeit probably uncomfortable and smelly at times. They're 98 days in. I found out they have a blog: trailbums.com

Whenever I meet people doing interesting things I always feel a little bit like Donald Miller in his books. He's always meeting interesting people. Most likely, we're all meeting really interesting people frequently, we just don't realize it. I think this will be one of my goals in life--to always know when I'm meeting someone really interesting.

Another person I've met who is really interesting to me is a customer at the bank. His name is Dean Smith. He wears a hat that reminds me both of a cowboy and of Indiana Jones. He's got shaggy gray hair, and black spectacles. He's a writer. He's written over a hundred novels. I think they're mostly science fiction. He told me I could find him on amazon.com through his name and his pseudonym (which he gave me, which I thought was generous). Interesting. It's on my list of books to buy and read.

I finished my book today. I think I mentioned it: A New Kind of Christian. I love these emerging Christianity books. They make me so excited. I want to buy all sorts of ones that were mentioned at the back of the book now.

Oh, and the sun is out today.

may is here

2010-05-01T11:50:00.000-07:00

Maybe my mom can speak to this memory, because it's a little fuzzy for me, but I'm pretty sure the first of May when I was a kid was filled with red, pink, yellow, and purple construction paper weaving paper heart basket-type things to hang on people's doors to share the joy of spring. Did we do this? Is this a dream I had? I forget what we even called it. Either way, this half-memory of mine makes me really happy. I forgot how wonderful construction paper is when you have a good pair of kid scissors and plenty of glue-sticks and glitter.

All this to say, May is here. It's hard to believe May is already here. I was just adjusting to March when April was ending. Time is flying by. I seem to say this a lot, but it's so true. Iain and I have lived in Oregon for 8 months, when really, it seems like half that time. It's starting to get warmer and sunnier, which is glorious! I love the smells. I love that I can walk onto the porch barefoot and not have the concrete feel so icy cold.

Iain works two day-shifts this week, which is great! This means I'll get to see him Monday-Thursday nights. AMAZING! On this fine Saturday morning Iain is sitting watching The Deadliest Catch on TV and I've been putzing around online before getting dressed and heading to the grocery store. We had bacon and coffee for breakfast, which was delightful.

We've been having fun finding new little games for Iain's iphone and my itouch. He's hooked on this bird-flinging game. He catapults little birds from a big slingshot in hopes of hitting the green pigs that have stolen their eggs.... ? .... I have found a game called Fly Away Rabbit. This little white rabbit is holding the string of a red balloon and wants more than anything to fly up into the clouds. There are blocks of different weights and consistencies in his way that I must break up first. If he flies off the screen, I have failed. Oh the things that keep us entertained.

new spaces

2010-04-29T18:41:00.000-07:00

Yesterday and today Iain worked so hard to get everything moved over from the loft to the house (his parents' house here in town that they plan to move into sometime next year). I have promised him a long back rub in return. We are officially moved in. We're excited to have our kitchen stuff unpacked and a bathroom that isn't so far away. Hooray for being able to pee easily in the middle of the night! Now to the task of setting up the new cable system to record everything that we had been recording back in the loft.

I should probably be working on school, but instead, I've been helping Iain fix dinner for us and his parents. We'll sit and eat, then maybe watch a movie. Back to school tomorrow.

I'm happy that it's Friday tomorrow. I hope to get some boxes unpacked this weekend--those same boxes that haven't been unpacked since moving here last September. It'll be interesting to see what we've been living without for 8 months. We'll probably end up throwing quite a bit of it away.

The bank is finally starting to get staffed more fully. This is good for the workload. One teller starts tomorrow. She used to work at the branch, so she can jump right into helping people and won't have to go through a couple weeks of training.

I suppose that's all for now.

life

2010-04-26T21:58:00.001-07:00

Sometimes life is better when it goes by quickly. I am realizing this now that I’m working two jobs, still working on my Masters program, and trying to fit in time to see my hubby and pet the bunny. My overall mood has skyrocketed.

When I found out we were moving and I didn’t really HAVE to work fulltime I was so excited. I thought, what amazing opportunity to get a really cool pair of glasses, a good cardigan, some nice highlights, and sit in front of my computer all day writing my amazing best-seller novel. This, you see, all had to happen together. I couldn’t be mousy-blonde with contact sitting at a computer writing all day. To me, it was this beautiful picture of creative perfection. Needless to say, this didn’t happen. Life doesn’t work like movies or photographs most of the time, and I didn’t write. I didn’t get glasses. And I did get a good cardigan, but it wasn’t purple like I had imagined. I wasn’t as skinny or attractive as I had imagined. And life got in the way. Plain and simple. I got bored.

I got another job on top of the wine gig as a teller. Did I ever imagine myself as a teller again? No. But it’s been okay. If nothing more than I get to talk to people all day long, even if it is about check cashing rules. I get that interaction that I was missing.

I learned something else. That is I don’t have the discipline to write. I always thought it was the lack of time that I was experiencing that made me not some new prodigy of the novelist world. No. It’s just that I’m lazy and don’t have the proper initiative to write something.

Same with school. I thought all this stress about school was because I didn’t have enough time for it and all of the sudden I would have all the time in the world. Turns out I spent the exact same amount of time on school as I did working full-tme.

So I learned from this that more time does not necessarily equal more productivity. In fact, I would say that less time equals more productivity. Now working 6 days a week, still in school full-time, and still trying to keep my living area somewhat clean (this is the last to get done always), I get more done. I am reading for pleasure when I never felt like I had time for. On that note, I am reading A New Kind of Christian by Brian McClaren, and it is really wonderful.

I only have three more classes to go with this Masters program. I just started one course that I think I will LOVE. It is Operations Management. I always thought I might find my niche (is that really how you spell it?) in Operations, but now it is solidified. I had the best time ever completing this week’s individual assignment. I had to create a flowchart. FLOWCHARTS! Who knew they were so much fun!? Excel has opened up to me in so many ways. I can made arrows. I can make different shapes with text inside….the possibilities…I plan to make flowcharts for every activity Iain and I do throughout the day, print them out, and tack them on the walls.

Something else: Something really amazing happens when you let go of planning and start accepting what IS. You know that whole “live in the moment” crap that is really hard to do. Well, actually doing it is something else. I am so happy. So happy, in fact, that I find myself smiling like an idiot at really random times throughout the day. For instance, I tell my coworkers I’m going to take a break. As I’m locking up my cash drawer I am smiling because I can’t HELP myself from smiling. It’s just the day. It’s just the fact that I’m living and I’m helping people deposit money all day or that I have a really great husband who is leaving for work soon…I’m just smiling like a fool. I realize that if I don’t STOP smiling, they’ll probably ask me what the joke is or what I’m grinning about, but I don’t care. And if I’m lucky, they don’t notice. And if I’m REALLY lucky, I don’t start giggling about my own ridiculousness and make the whole situation worse.

To change the subject somewhat, Iain and I talk about Colorado quite a bit. This is me more than him. In fact, I feel pretty bad about how much I talk about Colorado and moving back there someday. I think a lot of this has to do with me wanting to be around my parents. Call me a momma’s or daddy’s girl all you want, I most definitely AM. But the thing that it comes down to (after an hour and a half of talking about it in the middle of the night with the hubby) is that all I really want is what God has for us. And the thing about that is it seems to happen whether or not I’m planning for it. So what’s the big concern? I just wish I could internalize this and stop WORRYING or PLANNING about where we will live or what we will be doing…it’ll work out.

Side note: My nephew drew a picture for Iain of a bunny who has torn the head off of a stick figure with blood dripping down from the mouth, a black arrow pointing to the bunny saying “ME” another text bubble from the bunny saying “YES” and another saying “YOURE NEXT.” The stick figure in all of this is without a head but does have two text bubbles that say “OH” and “AAAH.” Yep. Just to add to it, the stick figure and all the bubble texts are in black. The bunny outline is in teal. The bunny ears, eyes, and stick figure head in its mouth is bright red. Love it. Love it so much.

Speaking of bunnies. I have the best pet in the world. We could leave littler Bunners for a whole day and a half and he was fine. He had fresh litter. He had a fresh carrot (the kind with the carrot greens still on, which he goes CRAZY for). And he was fine. We had a great time in Portland at a USBank event. I guess before I was hired my branch won some sort of campaign and got a free night at the Embassy Suites in Portland (or Tigard, which is basically Portland). I drank vodka tonics all night, Iain drank beer all night, we danced, we ate a crappy catered meal, and we slept on comfy pillows for 12 hours. It was wonderful.

Ok. So. After all this time of not posting. This is a LONG one. I will try to be better. Readers, if there are some, I will try to be better. One thing that could help, you could leave a comment. Even just to say that you were here, and you read it. Mmhmm. Thanks.

finally, another post

2010-03-27T22:07:00.000-07:00

I've come to this website many times throughout the last two months with the intention of posting something new. I haven't. I'm guessing it's primarily because I feel like not a lot interesting is going on in my life. Or I don't know how to say it. Or I don't think anyone reads this anyway.

Here's a blog anyway, because I guess if I keep coming back to it, I probably have some sort of inclination to do it.

What prompted this blog after so many weeks of silence, you might ask. Well, the answer is multi-fold...folded....hmmm...

1. (yes, I'm doing a list again)

2. I'm doing school and would rather not be doing school and so I am distracting myself from not doing it until the absolute last second.

3. While doing said school I find that I have to google a business term in order to fully understand what is wanted from me in this stupid discussion question. While doing that I make a silly typo and as all good search engines do, it pops up with results anyway, but FIRST a friendly question of "did you mean to say: ..... " with whatever you really did mean to type.

That is why I'm writing this blog. Because I feel like life should have the ease of a search engine. Did you really mean to make that decision? Did you really mean to say that just then? Did you really mean to take that job? Did you really mean to start another almost two years of school? Did you really mean to move away from your family?

I know I'm sounding really sad and depressed right now, and really I'm not, I think what I'm trying to say is that so many things in life just seem to happen.

I started my Masters program after meeting with an academic advisor who I was hooked up with through my current boss. It was all done in one evening. Financial help. No problem. Course set for the entire program. No problem.

I moved to Oregon and away from my family and friends because we had a dream of being able to actually afford our bills and a dream of Iain having a job. We visited. We interviewed. We got the jobs. We moved. All in about a two month period.

I married Iain because I had been dating him because I had met him at a bar (sand volleyball if you want to put it more nicely) through a friend. It's been the best thing to happen to me and I can't imagine my life without it. But it still seems surreal to how it happened.

What am I saying?

Not sure.

I think probably just that so many things seem to just happen. I don't feel in control very much. I hate that. At that same time I think I could probably be in MORE control with things like being disciplined to workout and spending more time reading and bettering myself.

Life just seems to be filled with things that happen pretty quickly when you weren't expecting it. I like to think this is God. And this is why I feel okay with it. If it weren't God, I think it'd make for a pretty stressful and fearful life.

That's about it for my thoughts right now. Back to school--one of those surreal quick things.

currently i am

2010-03-15T21:30:00.000-07:00

TRYING TO BE

content

skinnier

happier

organized

disciplined

less critical of myself

WISHING FOR

a job working for something really meaningful

a fruit and veggie share from some organic local farm

a closet

a sofa

a little bitty house to call my own

the same days off from work as Iain

inspiration

nothing

2010-02-15T13:10:00.001-08:00

Nothing much is happening.

I'm still doing school. I'm doing well. It's moving along quickly. I got another part-time job at US Bank to help fill my time and give me more money. I am still making grand plans to exercise. I'm still not exercising. Iain gave me a really pretty diamond necklace for a late birthday present. We don't celebrate Valentine's Day, so nothing there. I'm not really reading anything. Well, I am, but it's not very interesting, so I probably won't finish it...

Maybe it's time for another list. Now I will list the things that I would like to start doing more. Maybe if I list them enough, I will start doing them.

1. COOK more hot meals, preferably ones that don't require a lot of kitchen time or a lot of mess.

2. EXERCISE on a regular basis. Iain has talked about getting a membership to the casino's gym and going before work (if they have showers, which I believe they do), and if he does that, I will get a membership as well. I could try to do it on my own, but I've never been successful at that. The only time I was successful was when I had a personal trainer--expensive.

3. BUY a better wardrobe. I'm feeling so incredibly drab. I have a couple new things from my birthday (thanks to mom and dad), but mostly I'm wearing clothing that is all many years old. The age of said clothes is really starting to show now. Holes everywhere. Little nubbly things everywhere. Loss of shape everywhere.

I guess that's about it for now.

hmmm

2010-02-08T13:28:00.001-08:00

I feel like my life AND blog would be more interesting if I had more pictures. And if I could figure out how to make those pictures line up on the sides of my blog at all times...maybe? Or maybe I'll still be kinda boring.

v day

2010-02-07T14:16:00.001-08:00

Iain and I don't do Valentine's Day. I'm curious to see what other couples think about it. I mean, I'd like to meet someone who honest-to-God loves the holiday. To me, sometimes the forced romantic efforts are awkward, I'm not a big sweets girl, and I prefer not to be around crowds. Last year Iain and I stayed in, cooked dinner together (granted, we got some nicer meat and some champagne for the day) and watched a movie. That's MY kind of Valentine's Day.

This year will be different, though. Iain works nights. And I work the day on Sundays. There's a good chance the only interaction I'll have with him this Valentine's Day is early in the morning and about ten minutes around 4 o'clock.

It's a good thing I don't care too much for the holiday. :)

birthday

2010-01-31T10:30:00.000-08:00

Oh, oh, oh! My birthday was so much better than I ever imagined! My whole family surprised me by coming into town. We had the best time. They got to see where I live. We watched the ocean a lot. We raced slot cars. We went bowling. We went shopping. We played card games. We cooked food. We laughed a lot. We hugged a lot. It was so wonderful! I love them all so much and am so happy they came to spend my birthday with me!

strange things are changing

2010-01-25T12:36:00.001-08:00

I'm pretty sure I've gotten to the point where I don't like fiction as much as I used to. This is a very strange thing to me considering always always always for my whole life I would pick a fiction book over a nonfiction book. You know what? I've picked up five novels in the past four months and actually thrown two of them out without finishing...I never used to do that. I was just so disinterested in the story that I didn't care that I was halfway through, I didn't want to keep reading even to see what would happen.

I am glad, though, that I haven't lost my like for reading altogether. I am enjoying reading nonfiction books about interesting things. Like the Donald Miller book I just read. Like this book I'm reading right now by Malcolm Gladwell.

This is a very strange change, but I do like it. I think this will make me smarter. Maybe even a better writer.

24 on the 29

2010-01-24T13:03:00.000-08:00

My birthday is coming up soon. I'll be 24, which is a really good thing, because I haven't been able to remember my age all year. 23 never stuck. I would always say 22, but then when that felt too young, I'd switch back to 24, and then I'd get confused. I'm about to say goodbye to 23, and I say good riddance. I never could get my head around you anyway. 24 sounds much better. I'm still in my early twenties, I'd say, since I haven't reached that mid-mark, but I'm getting to the place where mostly everyone treats you like an adult. I remember being a teenager and thinking anyone in their twenties had bloomed into flawless adulthood. Ha! Maybe that transformation never really happens, but I'm definitely not thinking it's the twenties anymore. Maybe the forties. I doubt the thirties get close either.

I'm going to go get running shoes for my birthday. I had been using the same running shoes that I got when I was 14 (just shows how much I workout). Those marketing gurus have done it again, because the running shoes I really want are the ones that have new balance ball technology that works out your butt and thights like a whole 12% more than other running shoes. And the reason my subconscious mind thinks that's really true is because the girl on the commercial is wearing the running shoes and really short shorts to show off her well-sculpted legs and toosh. This tells me that if I buy them, not only will I get toned, but I'll get tan, and I'll grow another three inches. So my hopes are high for this birthday present.

My birthday this year falls on Friday. I always wanted my birthday on the weekend when I was younger, and now it's finally happening. Most likely I'll head to the wine shop for a glass with the ladies like usual...then maybe to a movie with Iain. I guess we'll see.

things i like about lincoln city

2010-01-18T10:31:00.001-08:00

1. Driving through town there are a specific few places where you come to the top of a hill and can look over your shoulder to the massive ocean tumbling below.

2. Over half of the buildings are made with shingles. Some shingles look new and warm like the inside of a cedar log, but many look gray and splotchy from all the rain. I love both.

3. The city is proud of all the glass-blowing places. Ithas become known for the glass floats it makes. These floats are scattered along the 7 miles of beach throughout half of the year once a week by "float faries." No one knows the day or the place where the faries will drop off the hidden pretties. I have not found one yet, though I haven't walked the beach very much either. But it makes the papers and the travel magazines. It's a constant treasure hunt.

4. There is a coffee shop or two on every corner.

5. I never have to drive over 35 mph through town.

6. The workers at the local grocery store near my place all recognize me and smile like we're friends.

7. There are lots of kites in the air on a non-rainy day.

8. The tree-covered hills and valleys collect fog almost everyday.

9. The movie theater never seems to have more than ten people in a showing.

10. I haven't had to find my wool pea coat yet. My fleece jacket and wool, striped scarf does me good.

11. No one cares that I wear the same boots every single day.

12. I saw a herd of elk running through a field last week.

13. The Christmas Cottage that sells Christmas decorations is open year-round and has been in business for over 30 years.

14. Even though the chain restaurants suck, we're finding little local places that have nuggets of deliciousness.

15. I never have to wear sunglasses.

extended closure

2010-01-17T13:09:00.000-08:00

I am quite unhappy that the Lincoln City library has been under construction since the beginning of October. A girl just wants to do some reading for crying out loud! I don't generally buy books until I have read them for free and determined that I would read them againa nd again. Otherwise, it's just something taking up space and a reminder that at one point I did read it. The same goes for books that are given to me. This is a nice little treat because then I don't have to worry about taking them back to the library, but all the same, I give them away if I do not intend to read it again. I have a big plastic tub filled with picture books from my childhood. I have not read them in years, but I still intend to read them over and over again someday. That someday being when Iain and I are ready to have a kid or two. That day seems quite a ways away, but still, I will lug them around with me wherever we go.

unpacking

2010-01-10T15:38:00.000-08:00

Iain and I have been in Oregon for over four months now. Granted, the loft only got done about a month ago, but in that month we have done very little actual unpacking. Iain moved basic furniture up there. I moved our clothing and other junk. The boxes that are directly below the loft have gone untouched. I went through a couple of the random baskets and odd shaped open boxes I had and ended up throwing away most of it. I am going to make it my goal to get all of that stuff sorted and dealt with during the next month. One good motivator to do this is that things are starting to mold. I would have never thought about this before living in Colorado. Things would stay perfectly fine in cardboard boxes. Not here. Oh no. The cardboard becomes this weird maleable consistency. Eventually I imagine it would just fall apart on its own. Before that, though, it's holding enough liquid that things are molding that I never thought possible. Most shocking molding item: my very old and torn up converse all-stars that I bought when I was 16. I feel very grown up that I threw them away. Part of me wanted to wash the mold off and keep them, but really now, those shoes are disgusting. There's barely any shoe left. I used to think that this was pretty impressive. Now I'm realizing that I'm getting to the age where wearing shoes I've had for about 8 years and having it LOOK like I've had them for 8 years is not a very good thing. I'm no longer a wannabe emo kid. That look just doesn't work for me anymore. I would imagine even if I had a more artsy lifestyle and was in on the indie scene more, it still wouldn't work. I'd still want decently new shoes. Preferably flats. I guess it's true that I don't have a scene right now. My scene is my loft. And my loft doesn't care much about style. It's more concerned with its own walls than my appearance. I plan to have a scene again one day. That day will be when I get some amazing career-type job with my Masters degree. Then I will have a super chic and current scene. That's my hope, anyway. All this rambling to say (see, I'm trying to blog more as I mentioned last post, even if it's not good or witty--I really just am trying to write for the sake of writing as an exercise) I'm going to try and throw away a lot of my things that I don't really need in my current scene. My rationale is that after this scene I'll move to another and those things that I kept probably won't fit quite right when I get there. Mission: throw away the unecessary things. I'll let you know how it goes.

morning

2010-01-04T10:17:00.001-08:00

I had some crazy dreams last night of running through mazes trying to escape the people who wanted to kill me and force me to sell drugs for them (probably in the other order, though). I tossed and turned because I kept waking up. This morning when my alarm went off I was by no means ready to get out of bed. I felt like I had been running all night (kind of like those evenings where you work late and then you dream about working all night just to wake up and go to work).

To my surprise, after drinking my one cup of coffee and getting out of the shower, I felt totally rejuvinated. This almost never happens to me. Usually, I just feel sluggish all day. I feel excited about today. There's really no reason why I should feel excited. I work. I go home. I find something to do until Iain gets off work sometime after 1am. All the same, I feel somewhat giggly and alert. Maybe I just like the weather? It's blustery and wet outside. My hair WAS straight this morning when I left the house. Now it's all curls simply from getting in and out of my car. It's dark outside, too, from all the clouds. This may depress some people, but since dusk is usually my favorite part of the day, I'm happy that it'll probably look like dusk all day long today.

Instead of making resolutions for the New Year I will tell you what I plan to do more of/less of, etc.

1. In an attempt to be healthier, I am going to shop all organic and mostly from this little natural foods store here in town called Trillium. It's been in business for 37 years. It's only like 500 square feet, but it's lovely with nuggets of goodness packed onto the shelves.

2. I hate cardio and don't plan on doing any of it. That said, I am implementing workout things that I can do in my loft. Some exercise is better than no exercise, I figure. Leg lifts. Squats. Push-ups. Crunches. This mixed with the point above, I hope to slim down and tone.

3. This year feels like an in between phase. I left one career and am finishing my Masters so I can start on a better career. In order to help this along (and thanks to the encouragement of my mother) I am going to read as much good writing on business, leadership, and general likability and charisma that I can get my hands on.

4. Blog more.

ten years

2010-01-03T10:35:00.001-08:00

This morning while driving the five minutes to the wine shop I was listening to the radio. The station was doing one of those top 40 or top 25 (not sure of the number) songs of the last decade. It was a little bit of a shock to realize that I would clearly remember any of the songs they would play. Before this stage in my life I really didn't have much to say about what I was doing ten years ago. Before, ten years ago meant I was barely past the age of ten. Now, ten years ago I was turning 14. Still quite young, I know, but I think it's around there that you really start to have some adult-type experiences. At least the experiences you'll remember into your adult years. This is not a post to lament the fact that I'm getting older. I quite like getting older. But it is an odd feeling to know you're no longer the youth. I will strive to be youthful for a while, but my generation is the one that is moving more and more quickly into parenthood. We're no longer thinking about what college we'll get into or what fabulous career we'll start after (always different than imagined at that). We're now thinking about what house to buy, when to get pregnant, and how best to deal with our finances. Odd.

I imagine that this feeling will never really go away. When it hits 2020 I'll be nearly 34. I bet I'll be saying the same kinds of things, except then I'll have valid memories of the past two decades instead just one.

conclusion continued

2009-12-27T15:10:00.000-08:00

If I remember correctly, I was much better about writing in this conclusion to a year more regularly before I hit my twenties. Maybe there is more to do as a young adult than there is as a teenager. Either way, I've failed miserably at trying to post every day. I flew back home to visit with my family and friends, I'm pretty sure I didn't mention that. I loved every bit of it. Well, I loved every bit except the driving. I've been spoiled living in a small town. I rarely get to go over 30 miles per hour, which to some may seem like punishment, but it also makes driving pretty easy. Everything is within a ten minute drive. And the sun doesn't shine a whole ton here, so I don't have the sun glaring into my eyeballs as I'm trying to find the lines on the road. Colorado in the winter is the opposite of this. I have to go all sorts of fast speeds with cars all around every side of the car (not even MY car, which made this more difficult) while the whole time my eyes are being stabbed with intense light. The blinding light from the sky lights up the snow and the ice everyhere so it's. just. bright.

Anyway.

Christmas here was also very fun. Iain got me an ipod touch and engraved the back with "love love love love love love love love." We tend to yell this out to each other every so often. If it's been a bit and neither one of us has said anything one of us will blurt it: "LOVE LOVE!"

One of my other favorite presents this year is from my mom. It's a wool striped scarf. It has many colors on it...green, orange, pink, brown, blue, purple, white. All very little stripes going accross-ways not long-ways. I love it with all my heart and because Oregon is so darn cold, I wear it all day every day.

This week Iain and I will finally get around to getting our Oregon drivers licenses. I will then get a library card. I will then be taking book recommendations from all those I know and love.

My week break from school will be over on Tuesday, so I'll be back to that on a daily basis. I must get the laptop fixed. If the internet goes out at the house I don't have a whole lot of options. I used to take the laptop to the coffee shop a few minutes away, and that was nice. I spilled wine on the keyboard and now only about three keys actually work. I'll drive down to Newport with Iain soon and see how much that little oops is going to cost us.

I read Donald Miller's most recent book. It's called A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. It's completely profound. I also got that for Christmas. I've been thinking about that book every day since I finished it. I might pick it up and read it again already. It's about making your life a good story. One of my favorite ideas in that book is that one way to have an interesting story is to embrace "whimsy" on a day to day basis. I think this is why I always like Zooey Deschanel's characters in movies. She always plays such whimsical characters.

Speaking of Zooey Deschanel, I saw 500 Days of Summer finally. I've been wanting to see it for ages. I liked it. I liked it a little less than I thought I was going to. Maybe that was due to months and months of me going "I WANT TO SEE THIS FILM" and not being able to see it.

I'm trying to come up with some good New Year's Resolutions. I'd like to make some this year and keep them in sight for the rest of the year so I don't forget. The years I have made them they were always pretty lame. Floss more. Eat better. Start exercising. All good things, but all the same things that everyone needs to remember all the time and always forgets. I want to resolve something a little more interesting than that. I just haven't decided what it will be.

Maybe I should resolve to write a book before the year is done. I don't even care what about or if it's good or not. But write one. You know, the right number of pages and everything. Just to say that I did it...

I'll be mulling that over for the next few days.

conclusion continued

2009-12-17T14:10:00.001-08:00

We’re all dying. And we’re all broken. There’s no real denying it. We watch movies and tv shows about characters who fight for life, for love, for those they love, and for those they love that are dying. But I think the reality is that we’re all trained, all conditioned, to act immortal and to follow through with life like we’re whole.

Maybe this is why when we’re faced with true shattering brokenness, or untimely death, we are frozen in time—frozen in numbness. We’ve hidden from so much emotion that the onslaught of the unexpected takes the wind right out of us. Two options are available at this time: 1) drown in the waves of years of emotional stunting coming to surface or 2) experience fierce denial that any emotion exists, power through each day steeling against any intruding note, voice, or vision that would disturb the emotional coma of protection.

So where does that leave us? Day to day, what do we do?

We’re all searching for happiness. Or we’re all searching for a way not to feel pain. Maybe it’s the same thing. Happiness equals lack of pain. When really lack of pain doesn’t equal eternal happiness. When looking at life, love, God, or relationships, avoiding pain is like grasping for faint strings holding pretend puppets. Instead of creating happiness by avoiding pain, or the fear of pain for that matter, because what is fear if not the fear of pain, we’re denying the very thing that makes life something to be cherished. We grieve sickness or death because it threatens our mortal ability to feel. What is life though that we only feel, really feel, at the brink of something unimaginable? Why do we not live in the motion under the surface? What’s under our human walls? Our fear of pain, our fear of rejection, our fear of feeling or looking stupid, or our fear of simply feeling? Those tv shows show a character in tears telling another character that they are their life, their breath, their speech, and their ever movement. What keeps us from telling those people our last words for their last breath every day we wake and before every night we go to sleep?

Cherish the ones you love. It is the stuff of greeting cards. But it means being present. It means feeling whether it be pleasure, pain, confusion, or loss. It is the emotion that makes us alive. And it is the emotion that makes us connect—makes us really see each other, really witness each other living and breathing.

We love the stories so much of movies and tv shows because they capture the pivotal moments in life: the moment someone falls in love, the moment someone has to choose to fight for something bigger than life, the moment someone who means everything to us dies or escapes death. We love those stories because those characters are living in that pivotal moment.

Let us not wait for the epic scene. The storm is going to come, but how much better will our lives be if we live everyday in the spotlight of the story—in the climax. So let’s laugh. Let’s be overly honest to the ones we love that we love them. Let’s feel inadequate or lost when the mood strikes. Let’s feel it all knowing that maybe, if we do, we’ll have less we need to say when the lightening threatens to take someone, or maybe ourselves, away.

conclusion continued

2009-12-07T21:18:00.001-08:00

As I’m getting older I’m starting to realize the things that people say about women and how really true those things are. Like the following:

1. diamonds make a girl go giddy

2. chocolate is sometimes a necessity

3. nothing can compare to a woman’s hormonal wrath

4. sometimes all you need is a glass of wine

5. men inexcusably stay thinner than women—very frustrating

6. us women—we’re always right

After a day of reading textbooks, working, and writing a paper, that’s all I can come up with for the night.

conclusion continued

2009-12-06T18:27:00.001-08:00

I’m learning to take everything in with the same stride. I’ve always been a planner. I’m sure my Conclusions years past have been filled with what I planned to do in the next year and the course I thought my life would take. I’m pretty sure that I was wrong at every prediction. There’s so much that happens that can’t be foreseen that I’m starting to wonder why I predict at all.

I think planning is an important part of walking through life. It pushes us to make goals and to have something to strive toward. On the other hand, I’m learning that we have to be open to things coming our way that weren’t planned at all. For about a year I was dead-set against moving away from my home of 12 years in Colorado Springs. Here I am in Lincoln City, Oregon—hundreds of miles away from what I’ve called home for so long—and I’m still happy. I still wake up every morning. I still find time to get bored. I still find time to get stressed about what I have to do. And I still find joy in the people around me.

I’ve been incredibly blessed to find people here that I really enjoy—people who also seem to really enjoy me. In three short months, this is more than I could have asked for. On top of this, a change of setting and a change of pace has made me much more compassionate and thankful for a myriad of people that I don’t even know.

I have noticed this working at the wine shop. The majority of the people who I meet there are passing through to somewhere else from somewhere else or they’re down for the weekend to spend some time by the ocean. Either way, these are people I probably won’t see again. But they all have stories. On occasion they’re open enough to tell me part of their story and to ask a bit about mine. These people have had adventures of their own. They’re all riding some wave of life out like I am. They all have family and friends. They all have wounds from the past and hopes for the future. I have a particular fondness for the ones that come in and seem to have a slower pace. They spend twice as long looking at wine, twice as long tasting the wine, and twice as long having a slow conversation with me.

For the half hour that they might be in the shop they’ve made an impact on me. They’re an image in my memory once the day is done as am I in theirs. Sometimes it’s easy to not see them. It’s easy to see what they want, get it for them, and not take a second glance as they walk out the door. But there are those that are just wanting to be seen. Those who just need a little bit of confirmation that they’re living and someone else notices. And for that moment, I’m glad to be noticed as well. We’re all moving.

I’ve considered making predictions about this next year and guessing at where Iain and I will be, but I’m having a difficult time coming up with anything. Maybe it’s fine to say that I just don’t know. I’ll hope for the best. I’ll try to make whatever comes the best. And maybe I’ll make a little more effort to make it the best for those that experience life with me—if only for thirty minutes.

conclusion continued

2009-12-05T11:58:00.000-08:00

I remember being a teenager and seeing all these things adults did in movies. There was always those buying really fancy dresses to go to benefits and things. I thought these events only existed for the really wealthy or famous because who really had the money to buy the tickets, donate to the cause, AND get some stellar outfit? Maybe the really shnazzy benefits are too pricey for me, but I am going to my small town’s version of a benefit ball tonight. I’ve got my stellar dress (on sale at the outlet mall). I’ve got my makeup planned. I full well intend on having the best time.

Now back to memories and future things. Since I woke up not that long ago and am not feeling particularly gushy with words, I’ll make a list of things to be noted:

1. This past year has given me many things. One being an extra ten pounds. I do not like this. Especially because the year before ALSO gave me ten pounds. This coming year I plan to re-gift the score of pounds to someone else. Maybe my husband.

2. Iain and I discovered the joy of watching seasons of hit shows on DVD in marathon-like style. We have watched all we can of Weeds, Dexter, Lost, Grey’s Anatomy (this is more me than him), and Heroes (I trailed off in the third season or somewhere around there).

3. Iain got me a bunny…maybe that happened in December…anyway, I’m saying it now. He’s a Holland Lop, and he’s more adorable than any other creature I’ve ever seen. The night we got the bunny he also made me an amazing dinner of seared scallops, fresh green beans, and some sort of potatoes. We had champagne with raspberries, too. I ended up getting food poisoning (we think) and threw up for the next 24 hours. While lying on the floor right next to the toilet, Iain brought the bunny over to say hi, and it made my misery a bit better. Iain vowed never to make me scallops again. He’s kept that vow.

I was going to make a longer list than this, but my mind is drawing a blank. More tomorrow.

conclusion beginning

2009-12-04T16:43:00.001-08:00

Every December for the past six or seven years I have written what I call “Conclusion to a Year.” I try to write most days in December in this Conclusion about the year that has past and what I expect for the year to come. I might be three days late in starting, but better now than never. Since I’m writing whatever comes to mind about the past year or what I expect, my thoughts tend to be disjointed a bit.

Usually I go back and read the past year’s Conclusion before writing the current one, but after changing computers, the rest of the Conclusions are on a disc in a box somewhere. I have no desire to go and find it, so I’ll leave it for future years.

Maybe it’s a symptom of not journaling as much as I used to, but I’m having trouble remember a whole lot from this past year. Last January was my first year on by birthday being married. Iain and I spent the next several weeks watching one of my presents—a seed planting kit. The basil shot of first followed by the lettuce. We never saw much come from these plants. I think the gnats that came with them were too distracting. We had made the mistake of buying outdoor soil instead of indoor soil. We didn’t think there’d be much difference, but maybe it was the gnats. We were smacking at them for months after planting to seeds indoors in a big plastic tub. We only used to herbs a few times while cooking (we never did see them get bushy—I think we didn’t prune them right). By the time we were leaving to move to Oregon, we did have a tomato or two growing. Ah well, maybe someday when we own our own home we’ll start a garden. I’ve never had much of a green thumb (I inherit this from my mom), but I have dreams of a garden nonetheless.

I started my Masters program this last year through the University of Phoenix online. I’m almost halfway through at this point. I should be done in November of this year. I have no idea what sort of job I’ll find with it, but I’m trusting something good will present itself.

I’ve been successful at growing my hair out for the first time in my life. It is by far longer than I’ve ever had it. Still only a few inches past my collar bone, but I’m still letting it grow. I figure in a couple years it’ll be a good ways down my back. I hope.

I’ll be 24 next month. All this year I kept saying I was 22—not on purpose, but 23 never seemed right to me. I wonder if this is how aging will feel from now on. Iain’s had a hard time with turning 26 this past year, feeling younger than the number. How time flies.

loft

2009-11-30T13:45:00.001-08:00

Here are some new pictures of the loft. We have the walls painted (though they'll need some touch-ups) and the majority of the ceiling (though that needs another coat and to be edged in) done. I think once it's all done I'll post a before and after pic of everything. Should be fun.

lights

2009-11-29T18:51:00.001-08:00

This is the first holiday season I have spent away from my immediate family. I’m in Oregon this year, still with family, but family that is relatively new to me. It’s interesting to see how people celebrate in different ways. One thing that is new to me here is the lights on the outside of the house. If my memory serves me correctly, my family never did outside lights on the house. I assume this was because the lights themselves can cost quite a bit, it’s a chore to get them put up, and the electricity bill goes up because of them. I was born from rationalists and have continued to follow in their footsteps. Iain and I don’t really get into the holidays by decorating—much the opposite. Last year in our own house (our first Christmas together) there were no decorations to be found. I don’t consider myself a bahumbug-holiday-er by any means, I just don’t feel the compulsion to buy santas and snowmen to put about my living space. Even though I don’t do this, it has been fun to experience other people doing this. The house looks festive on the inside and the outside. It smells of cinnamon and is all lit up. I like it. I like being a part of these new traditions even though they aren’t my own.

Even without decorating in this season, I do have one thing that makes me feel the change in the season and the festivities of the holidays. It’s all about smell for me. I don’t need lights or trees to make me feel happy about the holiday. All I really need is a candle that smells of something homey to do with the season. Pumpkin. Apple-spice. Cinnamon. All very good smells that make me feel warm and fuzzy on the inside.

The loft is almost done. We’re in the process of finding carpet. This is the last step on our very long and messy journey of completely finishing a barren loft. Once this is done and we move all of our boxes and few bits of furniture upstairs, I plan to find the most perfect fall candle and have it burning at all times. Cheers for the holidays—however you celebrate them.

boston

2009-11-27T23:52:00.001-08:00

This is one of my favorite pictures of Iain and me. There are so many, that it’s hard to choose. I always talk about taking more pictures to remember these days, but it seems like I’m doing okay. This one is from a trip to Boston I made when we were dating. It seems like so long ago, when really, he left for Boston only a little over a year ago.

I remember each time I flew out to visit him that the plane ride took forever. There was always a movie playing throughout the three -hour trip, but I never could focus. I spent the entire ride trying to breathe slowly (always on the verge of hyperventilating) and focus on SOMETHING so I didn’t bust out of my body there in the cramped seats. As in every plane ride I seem to experience, I would have one jolly robust man snoozing to my right, and some middle-aged businessman to my left. They, I’m sure, would not appreciate my screaming with anxious excitement between them. I would land, tapping my foot until the doors were finally opened and I could squeeze my way out into the halls of the Boston airport. I would speed-walk my way to baggage claim trying this time to remember to take a breath. One time in particular Iain saw me before I saw him. I was trying my best to look beautiful and suave while walking in my ridiculous heels toward the exit when I thought I heard someone say my name behind me. I then thought I was making things up, because it was so quiet. Then I heard a voice behind me say “hey, pretty lady.” I turned around and saw him standing with a crisply starched light grey button-up shirt and grey slacks. As it always was when I saw him after weeks of being apart, it took me a minute to remember exactly what his face looked like in person. A little softer than photographs. A little gentler than webcams would portray. The first kiss was always marked with nervous trembling and uncontainable smiles. We would then spend the next few days (however long I had off of work) in a smiley and touchy frenzy. Most of the time we barely left the condo—just happy to be sitting next to one another with our knees touching while watching who-knows-what on tv. I would battle the humidity everyday to try and straighten the curls I hated. We would cram into his closet of a kitchen and cook what we had bought at the overpriced Boston Whole Foods. And we would attempt to fall asleep each night while marveling at the fact that we were each warm bodies so unaccustomed to being next to each other and buzzing with energy and happiness to prevent actually fall asleep. Every time saying goodbye at the airport when I had to leave (which we always ended up there in what seemed like the same breath I got there) I always felt a throb in my throat and a longing for the future when we wouldn’t have to say goodbye.

I still feel like crying anytime I am at an airport without him. After being around each other everyday since he came back that summer before we got married, we can handle time apart, but it never feels quite right.

All this said, I am so delighted that we got married and I get to spend every night falling asleep—much more easily now that we have settled into each others’ warm presence—with the man I fell fast in love with that one summer when I least expected it.

new beginnings--rather, beginning again

2009-11-27T21:07:00.000-08:00

I recently read a memoir by Maureen McCormick. Though many people might not light up with recognition when this name is written, they are more likely to know the name Marcia Brady (the spelling of which I now know from reading the book). In this book, the famous Marcia, Marcia, Marcia of the Brady crowd gives her life story—what it was like being a child-star of a hit show and living her life after competing with that image. It wasn’t the most mind-blowing writing I’ve ever read, but it was interesting nonetheless. I think people like to hear about other people’s life stories regardless of who they are. I used to only go for novels, but I’m considering reading more memoirs now. There’s something intriguing about reading a story that actually happened instead of the often trite renditions of truth that leave you at the end of the book thinking the story lacked in relate-ability. You don’t have to relate to a memoir to feel sucked in. That suspension of disbelief doesn’t need to be present. It’s almost easier.

The thing that makes a memoir stick out (with my little experience of reading them) is how each stage of life still seems like present. There are enough details about the situation and enough memory of how that person felt at that stage of life to make it all read smoothly. McCormick had in her book many different journal excerpts from growing up. Through this I know that she really DID have those feelings and emotions. How do I know? She wrote them down into some sort of book as a form of processing the emotions or thoughts and didn’t think past that. Now, when she’s older and wiser and also without as much memory, she can go back and look at them.

I used to journal religiously. Maybe this is a bad way of putting it. If only I had prayed as often as I journaled. Ha! I haven’t journaled in what feels like years. Somehow I got out of the habit. Somehow I thought that living my life was good enough, and I didn’t need to document anymore. A lot of this probably stems from the fact that growing up I desperately wanted someone to witness my life. I wanted it to be like a movie—there’s a story going on with a perfect soundtrack in all the right dramatic moments. But what was my life in all its teenage drama if there was no one watching? If there was going to be no one watching, I had to document it just so it made it real in some way. I don’t think I was wrong. I can’t remember in detail this angst that marked the transition from childhood to teenage years to adulthood. I don’t remember what it was like. I know what my life feels like now because it’s now. But it’s so easy to forget the process.

For all these reasons, I hope to journal more. I truly don’t want to forget these moments. What is life made up of anyway? Moments. Past really means nothing except for how it molded us into the present moment. Future means relatively nothing because we can’t say for certain what it will look like, only that it will build off of the current moment. I better start documenting these moments again. This time not because I need to be sure that what I’m experiencing is real, but because I’m pretty sure someday I will want to look back at this time and really remember what it was like.

This blog is barren. I have no qualms admitting it. Moving to Oregon and uprooting my social life, my work life, and my lazing about life, I thought I would be this wealth of literary genius. If not genius, at least a wealth of impressive volume of words. As you might see, this has not happened. Little did I know that trading in a rather stressful and hectic lifestyle for a calm and slow-going lifestyle tends to leave a person feeling slightly bored, slightly anxious, and slightly uninteresting. Why have I not started writing a novel like I’ve talked about since being eight? Why have I not been posting thousands of words a month into cyber-space for faceless strangers to stumble upon and read? Well, quite frankly, I don’t feel that interesting. Why write it if there seems to be nothing bouncing around in my head but a few spiders (which there are lots of them here) and a bit of drizzle?

Enough, I say. Thanks to one friend’s encouragement, I’ll write SOMETHING. My mind still works. I’m still breathing. I’m still living and moving. I still have moments. For what it’s worth, I’m going to try and document those moments for the inevitable day that I don’t remember they happened.

dreams

2009-11-13T16:46:00.000-08:00

I am enjoying this small town I've found myself in. I like that everyone is slow-going and chatty. I like that I don't have to drive more than fifteen minutes to get to the opposite end of town. I also like that I'm coming up onto the holidays and today is the first day with a winter-like chill in the air. I like seeing the ocean. I've never been in love with water--the opposite most of the time--but this massive, moving body of water is captivating. The darkness at night is tangible out at the house. The winding forest roads to get there become eerie and silent. This darkness and the quiet make me feel more connected to the earth--more aware of the land I live on. I love sleeping in and working with wine. Iain loves his job, and this makes me really very happy.

For all these things I am very happy with life.

At the same time, though, I daydream about a few years in the future. I imagine I've been working in some office doing something relatively shnazzy with my Masters when I get a call from Young Life (previous workplace) telling me they've created an impressive position for me and desperately want me to move back to the Springs. I imagine the same week somewhere like the Broadmoor calls Iain and tells him they MUST have him as director of food and beverage. We then pack up our minimal things (we are such minimalists at heart) and make the long drive back to Colorado. Back to the kindred spirits there. Back to mid-week BBQs and movie nights. Back to summer-time volleyball playing. Back to dinners with my parents. Back to girls' nights in Denver. Back to that social network that I think we all take for granted sometimes.

I guess we'll wait a few years and see.

rain

2009-10-26T16:49:00.000-07:00

So THIS is what Oregon is like. When people talk about it being so rainy and all. It has been remarkably NOT rainy since I got here in the beginning of September. We had a day of rain at some point a couple weeks ago, but it was just sort of drizzly. I do believe it rains harder at night when I'm sleeping because I hear it. I just don't see that. However, today, upon waking and still hearing the rain, I am delighted. It rains a good part of the morning into early afternoon. Then the sun comes popping out and I get to see the day in a shiny wet state for quite some time. It got a little cloudy after that but still no rain really. Then all of the sudden I look out the window and it's pouring down diagonally in sheets. I look back at the computer. I look up. It's pouring down diagonally in sheets the other direction. I look back at the computer. I look up. It's stopped raining altogether. Hmmm.. This indecisiveness about rain makes me think it's not so different from Colorado after all. Colorado can't decided what season to be. Oregon can't decide if it wants to rain or not.

Love from the coast!

eureka or bust

2009-10-04T11:01:00.000-07:00

Yesterday at the wine shop a couple came in for some wine tasting. They loved the Argentinian red blend on the table and also mentioned their love for Tempranillo. I handed them another excellent blend and told them they'd love it. They bought it and the Argentinian wine. I enjoy customers like this. They come in and taste, while chatting about various things, and they buy wine.

This customer did all of those things, and while chatting away about where he and his wife were from, he tells me that he is just passing through on a 350 mile walk of the west coast in only 30 days. I'm thinking there's some big Forest Gump type project I don't know about, but it turns out it is just him and his buddy. Two guys in their 50s committed to walking a full 350 miles in 30 short days. Their purpose? Walk for global warming. Or walk against global warming. However you would like to put it. Regardless of anyone's opinions on global warming, this display is impressive.

At work today, I look out the window and I see two men walking down the street. One with the short gray hair and hat that I had seen the other day, walking stick in hand, lugging along an ENORMOUS pack on his back with a cardboard sign taped to it with big black block letters scrawled on top: "EUREKA OR BUST." His friend walked with him, long white beard covering half of his face, long white hair poking out from underneath his hat, and thumbs tucked into the straps of his slightly smaller pack. How many miles to go, men? How many more people will you stop and chat with along your way? Best of luck.

october

2009-10-03T14:03:00.000-07:00

A new month is already here. I feel like I say it all of the time, but I'll say it again: time moves so incredibly quick. I have been in Oregon a whole month and still feel like I just got here. I still feel like everything is settling down. Perhaps this is crazy. A part of me thinks life just has a tendency to always speed up and never slow down, but we'll see. There is progress done on our loft (pictures to come), I'm feeling comfortable in my new wine shop job (more wine blogs to come), and autumn has arrived. With so many pines around I don't see a whole lot of color change. I do notice, though, how crisp the mornings and evenings are now. The sunsets over the ocean when the whole sky is orange and red is enough to remind me of the changing fall trees. I have also have already had potato soup and chili this season which always makes the months more festive. I am dreaming of Thanksgiving pies and mashed potatoes. I will have to dig up my mom's recipes for this Thanksgiving. I just don't know I can go a Thanksgiving without the balsamic glazed brussel sprouts or the savory chestnut prune thyme sage and rosemary stuffing, not to mention the homemade zesty rosemary cranberry sauce.

I must go and eat something now. All this talk has gotten me hungry.

thoughts for sleeping

2009-09-26T23:20:00.000-07:00

Something occurred to me this evening while laying in my bed (which is still snuggled tightly into one side of the camper--the loft is coming along nicely--pictures to come, I'm sure). I noticed that the clothing I wear the most when I want to be comfortable is almost all hand-me-downs.

Tonight for example:

A green t-shirt with only slightly darker ribbing on the neck and sleeves, and a yellow screen print on the front that says "LAWN ROCKET" underneath that is a picture of a man in a helmet riding a lawn mower, then below that "FROM GO TO MOW IN 6 SEC." All in lovely fading yellow ink. This t-shirt is nothing fancy, but it's just the right thickness and size to make me feel secure, and just the softness for sleeping without feeling gross (like you get feel when you wear really soft clothes all day long when you have the flu). I got this shirt a few weeks before moving from my friend Whitney Kroneberger. I wear it probably four days a week. Maybe it's when I'm sleeping a couple nights in a row, maybe it's working out (which I seldom do), or maybe it's to actually wear in the day when I'm not feeling very feminine. Either way, it's a staple of mine, and I have no really good reason for it. I just know after I've done laundry, it's one of the first things I pick out of the clean clothes.

out of date

2009-09-21T12:06:00.000-07:00

All of my previous ways of sounding impressive about wine are quickly flying out the window. I learned once that it was better to say BOUQUET when talking about how a wine smells (and really, who knew that talking about the "smell" was bad because it negatively associates in the brain with those things that naturally assail our nostrals). I have been so out of fashion using this term it's not even funny. My "bouquet" language is akin to that neighbor or coworker everyone seems to have in their life that is stuck in the worst off-the-wrack clothes of the mid-eighties. It's not pretty nor impressive--ignorant at best.

To be more current, the right word is AROMA. However, if "aroma" is the Liz Claybourne language of wine, NOSE is the Gucci. I think this is fitting really. Some of the highest fashion trends are ugly, and in my opinion, so is this word. People think "smell" is bad, how about "nose?"I hear "smell" and I think pumpkin pies and raosted garlic rosemary chicken around Thanksgiving. I hear "nose" and I think large fleshy blobs with oil-catching pores and bristly hairs. Ew.

Since it often happens that we feel the most attractive and impressive while wearing those high fashion trends (Target versions for those of us with no money) that really are ugly--I will attempt to use "nose" from now on. That is, until the wine professionals of the world come up with an uglier word...

i'm in love

2009-09-20T18:56:00.001-07:00

I'm pretty sure I'm in love with wine. Now, this might not sound like anything new to most of you, but my love is completely different now. My love before was cheap and indulgent. I wanted something that would bite my tongue back, would slide down my throat with ease, and would get me good and tipsy after a few glasses. Did I mention cheap enough that I could have a few more glasses after the first couple in order to get good and happy without breaking the bank? Now my love has been challenged and broadened. That cheap whore boxed sangria can lament my loss of attention because I've found something better. I didn't know that white wines could vary from extremely dry and oaky from the barrels they sat in for weeks or months to sweet and supple from being grown in soil that previously in life grew peaches or pears. I love reading a label of a Chilean Pinot Noir Rose and wondering how different it would be than the boxed 5 liters of Franzia blush I used to get for $11.99 on the weekends when my friends with lighter pallets were to join me in the fun. I also never imagined that some of those bolder Spanish wines could be spicy and reminiscent of black pepper...much less vanilla.

It's been a week at the wine shop. My taste buds are completely and utterly titillated.

weather

2009-09-16T13:15:00.000-07:00

Today, for the first time, it actually feels like I'm living in Oregon. I say this because since I got here it's been sunny every single day and quite hot at times. Today, however, I woke up to the sound of rain pattering on the roof. I'm sitting in Pacific Grind now drinking coffee and downloading my reading for the week of school. I'm wearing my pink suede flats, gray skinny jeans, and a cream sweater (in case you cared to know). I'm looking out the window at the hills covered in dark trees with fog clinging to everything. This coffee shop has surprisingly good music. It's the kind that makes you think you're in a movie. Sound tracks to life, you know? I have about another half hour here until I head two minutes down the road to the wine shop for three hours. I need to remember how much I like being here. Something about getting out of the house and drinking coffee instead of drinking coffee at home. Something about listening to a playlist you never would have thought to put together instead of the same stations on pandora. It's times like these where it actually feels like I thought it would feel to live on the Oregon coast.

All this to say, I think it's becoming home.

wine and more wine

2009-09-12T18:30:00.000-07:00

Today was my first day at the wine shop. It wasn't a full day, just four hours, but I had a wonderful time. I ended up telling my boss I had to head home because I was going on information overload and would start to block it all out. This woman knows what seems like everything there is to know about wine. Today I learned how to adequately be able to taste a wine, found out that a wine could be fruity at the front, spicy and peppery in the middle, and have a smooth, quick finish. Who knew?

I was sent home with my first bottle and the book Wine for Dummies.

I figure to help me remember what I've drunk and how I felt about it, I'll make some notes on my blog.

Tonight's Tasting:

winery - kamiakin

region of wine - Yakima Valley

varietal (which turns out is the word for when you call a wine a "merlot" or a "cab," etc.) - red wine blend as follows: 60% Cabernet Sauvignon, 30% Merlot, and 10% Cabernet Franc.

The smell is intoxicating. At first I thought it was fruity. Maybe it is, but as I said, I'm no wine expert. It wasn't a sweet fruity, it was just full and sultry. The same was true when pulling in air through my mouth with the wine under my tongue. Careful with this, though, take a sip first, otherwise it takes you by surprise and you start to cough. This wine feels like a bunch of tiny ballerina feet prancing around on pointe in your mouth. The tingle lasts for a while after you swallow. I guess this is called a long finish. There is a slight tartness or bitterness to it that makes you want to rub your tongue on the roof of your mouth. I learned today that feeling comes when the wine is made with thicker-skinned grapes. Same sort of feeling if you ever took your teeth to the skin of grapes and peeled it off bit by bit when you were a kid. I remember doing that in the summers. It'd make a mess of your fingers, but after taking all of the tiny bites if grape skin, you'd be left with the sweet and juicy inside which made it all worth it.

I'm loving this wine. It took me an hour and a half to drink the first glass, which I think is saying something. Granted, you might pay ten bucks more than your average yellow tail, but I think it's worth it.

blog

2009-09-10T15:32:00.000-07:00

For those of you who don't know, my incredibly talented writer-friend has a blog as well. It's spectacular and you should follow it... www.theinkwell.me

You can also find it through the blogs I follow here on Blogger.

More to come soon, I promise!

slow

2009-09-07T12:14:00.001-07:00

I think maybe I'm adjusting or just making up for months of going so hard. Either way, I feel like doing nothing. Granted, I feel a little bored today. I've been here for four full days and done nothing much. I don't want to sit in front of the tv anymore. I don't want to watch a movie. I don't want to take a nap. I can't work on the loft because it's all man stuff to do at this point (that's where Iain is right now). School doesn't start until tomorrow and I can't seem to make myself look at my reading. I have books I can read for fun, and I could write in my story. Neither one seems especially appealing at the moment. This is what I mean when maybe I'm making up for time working so hard. I might be bored, but I still feel slightly glassy-eyed.

Iain and I bought a Venus Flytrap at Grocery Outlet the other day. Iain fed a mosquito to it that had gotten into the camper. I had forgotten how quickly the plant's little mouths close. The day we brought it home I stuck my finger into the middle of one and screamed out loud when it clamped down so quickly. Of course, the little bugger doesn't hurt, but it was startling. It's somewhere between animal and plant. These kinds of creatures always confuse me.

I'm daydreaming about the loft being done today. I think this is partly just an excuse not to get going on the things I should be doing (like preparing for school and writing), but I have somehow convinced myself that the writing will just automatically start flowing from my fingertips as soon as the loft is finished and I have my desk set up. I know rationally this is not true, but for the time being, considering I've been here and out of work for less than a week, I'm not going to worry about it. I'm hoping Iain finds some stores of energy over the next few weeks. It's hard to want to do grueling physical labor after working 40 hours in a week. I wouldn't have done it. So I'm hoping he magically does, because even though this camper is nice and homey for the time being, I don't want to still be in it four months down the road.

One problem I'm facing right now is that I don't feel very organized. I have stuff in boxes in the garage, I have stuff on a shelf in the bathroom, some stuff in the kitchen, and stuff in the camper. I never thought my stuff could be such an extension of ME, but it seems it is. I feel a little scatter-brained that it's all in different spots.

I just realized I think my posts should have a disclaimer at the top at certain times relating to my monthly cycle. I realize I become a little more disgruntled and whiney when my hormones are out and about. So, here's a disclaimer at the end: HORMONAL FLUCTUATIONS POSSIBLE - AMBER ALERT.

home

2009-09-04T00:45:00.000-07:00

I made it. I'm here. Who knew the drive from Portland to Lincoln City was so beautiful. I was in the car by myself for this leg of the trip and yet found myself exclaiming out loud with accompanying hand gestures: "WOW LOOK AT THIS" or "AMAZING" or "OH MY GOD THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL!" I lost count of the vinyards, farms, blueberry fields, orchards, and rolling hills in the distance. Turns out I was headed straight for those mountainous rolling hills in the distance. As luck would have it, I'm living IN those hills. On the coast. Ocean on one side, massive hills on the other. This is the place to be. I didn't think I'd love it so much from the get go, but sure enough, I do.

I spent the evening running some errands. I tried to get a library card, but I don't have enough solid proof that I'm living here now, so they wouldn't give it to me. I need to wait until I get my driver's license considering I won't be getting a utilities bill anytime soon with my name on it. This means a trip to the DMV. This also means studying up on Oregon traffic laws. I have to take a written driving test to get a license here. I did that already! When I was 16! Like the day after I turned 16. Here I am again, 7 years later having to do it again.

I'm waiting up for Iain. He works some odd hours as food and beverage supervisor at the casino. He should get off in ten minutes, and another ten to get home. I'm ready to snuggle.